#like i kind of side eye anyone who gets upset at him for saying billionaires bought this election when all of trump’s cabinet picks

[pjharvey]

tumblr is so funny bc people get so focused on like this insane little bubble of political thought that theres people who like think the most countercultural belief system u can have is being a normie lib who thinks bernie sanders is wrong.

[mcu1shots]

could you please make me a tony xplus size reader story and getting proposed to but telling him no because she's insecure about her body and him seeing it? it would mean alot im in a dark spot right now.

Of course! Here you go, I hope you enjoy and feel better soon!

Notes/Warnings: insecurity, self doubt, mentions of being a playboy, implications of body negativity, fluff, angst, Plus Sized!Reader

Word Count: 2,351

Nothing More Perfect (Tony Stark x Reader)

Of all the things you had heard about Tony Stark you had never imagined him to be quite the way that he was. He had always presented himself as the playboy billionaire, hosting large parties and being seen with many women. It was always all over the front page of every gossip magazine who Tony’s woman of the week was, it almost had become a game at one point of which celebrity or model would be the next one to fall to his charms. But everything changed a short time ago after the attack on New York.

Everyone had seen how Tony flew directly into the portal that led to… well, perhaps only the man himself knew the answer to that. Ever since then he had become… different. Parties hosted in his honour were still as rowdy as ever, but the inventor himself was barely there for a few minutes, enough time to enjoy a couple of the drinks being served, before he disappeared for the evening. Gossip columnists no doubt mourned for the stories that they used to have from him, for no longer did he have his classic ‘woman of the week’ but he was barely seen to be forming connections with anyone. That is, until someone sent in a picture of Tony with a woman.

That woman was you. It had been around two years ago now when the press found out about you, and all it had taken was someone’s untimely photo of him kissing you goodnight in the hallway of your apartment complex. Before that you had always been very careful not to tell anyone but your close friends about your relationship but, Tony being Tony, insisted that he had to kiss you one last time before your night together ended. And who were you to try to resist that?

The gossip columnists, no doubt bitter from the stories that they had been starved from for so long, had a field day writing about you and Tony, you found paparazzi at your work and it was hard to escape the articles. You remember Tony clearly telling you “everything they’re saying is just for the story” as he urged you to never pick up a magazine or read a single article, even going as far as to suggest blocking results from anything that would come up on your computer or phone.

And for a while you were successful in ignoring anything that the press said about you. You listened to Tony’s suggestion and turned a blind eye to any article about your boyfriend just in case it mentioned you in any way. You were struggling enough with self image without the words of journalists all fighting to get the most clicks on a story, Tony was helping you through everything and you didn’t want to jeopardize that in any way.

Things went well after that, you ignored anything that you saw about you and Tony’s relationship. And since the press already knew about you, you were free to have a normal relationship. Well, as normal as it could be when you’re dating a famous billionaire and superhero. Anytime you did something in public there was the risk of the press writing about it, but Tony’s nonchalance about the entire affair rubbed off on you and you allowed yourself to turn a blind eye.

Well, most of the time.

Sometimes, when Tony was away and you were left to your own devices for a while, it was hard not to go on social media and glance at the headlines that were advertised all over your feed, some of the articles seemed kinder than others, and some just seemed to be going for that dramatic effect. Those were the hardest ones to see, those were the ones that unraveled all of the work you had put into loving yourself. And you tried not to read them, you really did, but sometimes you weren’t all that successful.

Tonight was one of those nights, Tony had some Avengers meeting and would be away for a few days. He had invited you to come with him but you had declined, you always felt out of place in those meetings, surrounded by heroes more perfect than you could ever be. Captain America was genetically modified for perfection, Black Widow was trained from infancy to reach that level of perfection, and Tony had built himself into a perfect hero with his iron man suit. It was hard not to feel self conscious around all of that.

Though perhaps you should have gone with him, as you sat in the bedroom you and Tony shared at his Malibu estate. The window was open, allowing the warm night breeze to flow through. It was a beautiful evening, you should have been outside enjoying yourself, perhaps sitting on the beach and watching the stars, but instead you were sitting on the bed looking at your laptop, staring at one of the not-so-nice articles that had popped up on your screen. You hadn’t even clicked into it, but the title and thumbnail was enough to fill you with a wave of insecurity.

You had to force yourself to tear your eyes away from it and put the device on the edge of the bed. You swung your legs off of the side and stood, stretching out your arms and allowing a deep sigh to escape from your lungs. You should have taken his advice to block out those articles from appearing, but it was too late for that now. You rubbed a hand along your face, feeling more emotionally tired than anything else, and decided you needed some water and a bit of a walk around the house to clear your mind.

So that’s exactly what you did, after shaking out your legs which had started to fall asleep from how you had positioned yourself on the bed, you headed downstairs to get some lemon water from the kitchen. However you were confused when you heard the soft sound of music coming from the living room. Wondering if you had forgotten to turn something off, you changed your path and headed there instead.

And there was Tony, a piece of paper in his left hand and a small box in the other. He seemed to be reading over a speech of some kind which was unusual to you as you had never known him to actually prepare a speech in advance, usually able to come up with something magnificent on the spot, even with cameras and microphones pointed at him. His eyeline raised and caught on you as you stood at the edge of the room and he quickly shoved the paper into his pocket and got on one knee, opening the box.

“Y/N,” he paused to remember the words he had just been rereading for what felt like the hundredth time, and yet seeing you illuminated by the dim lighting of the moon and the stars that filtered in through the large windows, he forgot it all. “I had a whole speech prepared for this, of how I love you so much and all of that sappy stuff. But, it all boils down to the question of… will you marry me?”

You were stunned into silence as you watched him, the seconds seemed to tick by as he waited for your response, a grin still placed upon his face. But you weren’t in the best mindset right now, the image of that headline and thumbnail plastered in your mind. What were you supposed to say? You knew what he wanted you to say, he wouldn’t have asked the question if he wanted you to decline, but how could you say yes? How could you ever be good enough for the Tony Stark?

Your silence and stillness was broken as you took a step back, shaking your head. You couldn’t bring yourself to say the word ‘no’ but by the way the inventor’s face fell you knew he got the message. “I’m sorry, Tony…”

You turned on your heels and rushed back up the stairs, unable to look at him any longer. Unable to offer him an explanation as you weren’t sure you could even get the words out. Tears rolled down your face as your mind was flooded with thoughts you hadn’t dared to allow for a long time. But your insecurity was like a bucket of water, catching drips of self doubt. That bucket had slowly been filling up over the past two years but the last drop that had been placed by that stupid article was what caused it to overflow, your tears were only proof of that.

Tony had to admit that wasn’t the reaction he had been expecting from you, not in the slightest. He had been expecting tears, of course, but one of joy as you proclaimed that you loved him too and would be delighted to marry him. He shoved the box into his pocket and followed after you, he would accept your denial of his proposal but he couldn’t leave you to be upset on your own, what kind of man would that make him?

He followed you up to the bedroom that you both shared but you had locked yourself in the ensuite bathroom before he could stop you. “Y/N, hey, come on, love, talk to me,” he begged, knocking on the door. But he received no response from you. He sighed and ran a hand over his face, trying to think of if he had done something wrong. Then he saw it, the laptop still placed on the bottom of the bed, screen glowing in the darkness of the room. He paused, looking at the door and considering what he should do. But he figured that you wouldn’t be opening it any time soon and so he stepped away to see what you were looking at. Immediately he knew why you were so upset, seeing the headline and the image plastered across the width of your screen, a pop-up ad for one of those gossip companies that existed only in the depths of the internet. He knew about your struggles with confidence and self worth, and he was able to use his genius mind to put two and two together.

He closed the tab on the screen and then closed the laptop, not wanting you to see that again. He walked over to the bathroom door and knocked softly. “Y/N, my love, I know what the world says about you sometimes, how cruel they can be,” he began, resting his hand against the door, his face inches away from it and his eyes closed. “But as I close my eyes and I think of perfection, all I see is you, every part of you, no exceptions. My entire career I’ve tried to make something perfect but never would I be able to make anything that could compare to the perfection of you. We don’t have to get married, but please, please, come out here so I can hold you. I love you, Y/N, all of you. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

There was a pause, that agonizing silence as Tony tried to figure out if you believed him or if you could even hear him, there was a chance you were tuning him out and he truly was just talking to a door. But then he heard the click of the lock and stepped back as the door opened to reveal his beauty.

“How can you say that, Tony?” You asked, your voice shaking as you wiped tears from your face, your eyes were red from crying and you sniffled.

Tony lay his hand on your cheek, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb and smiling softly at you, it was the kind of smile that seemed to be reserved for you and only you. It wasn’t some cocky grin or a smartass smirk, it was just… Tony. “Because I mean it, my love. Because, whatever I do, I will never find or make anything as perfect as you.”

You shook your head and closed your eyes, finding yourself unable to look at him, unable to face him. A shaking sigh fell past your lips as you exhaled and tried to think of how to articulate your thoughts to him. “The rest of the world doesn’t seem to agree with you, Stark,” you pointed out in a quiet tone.

Tony chuckled and stepped towards you, pressing a tender kiss onto your forehead. “Maybe not, but I do pride myself on being the smartest man in the world. They don’t call me a genius for nothing, you know.”

And there he was, the Tony that you knew so well. The confidence that he had in himself, that he had in you. And a smile slowly came onto your lips and you nodded a bit at his words. “Then… yes.” You told him, opening your eyes to look up at him.

For a moment he looked confused, an eyebrow raised. “Yes?” He repeated, asking for clarification on what exactly you were agreeing to.

“I’ll marry you, Tony Stark,” you said, leaning into the warmth of his hand and reaching out with your own to hold his free one, giving it a gentle squeeze.

And his smile grew, one that was bright and warm and reserved only for the two of you at that moment. “See what I mean? Perfect. I love you, Y/N Stark.” He said, tilting up your face and pressing a soft, chaste kiss onto your lips.

“I love you too, Tony Y/L/N.” You countered as you looked up at him, your red eyes now filled with love and happiness instead of doubt and despair.

Tony chuckled at your response. “Touché.”

You simply nodded and pulled him closer. “Now, kiss me properly this time?” You asked sweetly, pulling him close to you.

A grin passed his face and he nodded, leaning towards you. Before your lips met in a kiss he spoke, keeping his tone soft and his warm breath fanned across your face, “As you wish, my perfect fiancée.”

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[just-dreaming-marvel]

Secret Feelings

MAIN MASTERLIST

Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 3,050ish

Summary: You and Steve are friends with benefits, both with secret feelings for each other. You finally decide to tell Steve you love him, but it goes wrong.

Warning: mentions of sex

“That was…” you panted.

“Needed…” Steve panted.

You two were currently laying side by side in Steve’s bed, panting after finishing up another round of sex. It wasn’t uncommon to find you two in bed together after a tough mission. Or any mission for that matter.

It all started after a mission that had a close call about seven months ago. You had almost gotten taken out, but Steve quickly swooped in and saved you. When you arrived back at the compound, Steve was furious. You both were in your room, shouting at each other. He was angry at you for almost dying and you are angry at him for being angry at you. Before either of you were able to actually think about what was happening, his mouth was on yours and you were tearing each other’s suits off.

You too were pretty close friends before, but that first night started changing things. For the both of you. You both started falling in love with the other, but were both too scared to say anything. Each of the team members could see the love you two had for one another. From the way you two started cuddling during movie nights, to the way you two patched each other up after missions. It was obvious to them and kind of funny how obvious the two of you were.

“You know I can read minds and emotions, right?” Wanda said to you after she caught you staring at Steve laughing with Bucky one day.

“Huh?” You turned to her, having barely registered what she had said. 

“Your love for Steve,” Wanda clarified. “It’s so loud. And don’t get me started on his love for you. I think the serum did something to project his thoughts and feelings more.”

“He doesn’t love me,” you shook your head. “We’re just close friends.”

Natasha scoffed. “Yeah, close friends that sleep together. All the time.”

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Wanda asked.

“Because I don’t want to ruin what we have,” you replied.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Nat started, “but what you two have is basically a relationship. One of you just needs to step it up and say something to make it official.”

You sighed, looking back at Steve. Maybe your friends were right. Maybe you should just gather up the courage and talk to Steve. You were sitting there, convincing yourself to finally tell Steve, when Agent Sharon Carter walked into the room. It was no secret to anyone that Sharon was after Steve. The woman didn’t try to hide anything when it came to her wanting Steve.

You watched as she made a beeline for Steve. Immediately touching his arm and forcing out a laugh to join with Steve’s and Bucky’s. Your jaw clenched, teeth grinding against each other.

“Your jealousy is rolling off you in waves, Y/N,” Wanda warned. 

“That’s it,” you said. “I’m telling him tonight.”

~~~

You had spent the day in your room, trying to gain all the courage you could before admitting your feelings to Steve. Finally feeling ready, you took a deep breath before heading to Steve’s room. As you rounded the corner, you froze at the sight before you.

Steve was pushed up against the wall, his lips on Sharon’s. Sharon’s arms were wrapped around Steve’s neck and his hands were on her hips. You rushed back around the corner, leaning up against the wall. Your hand went up to cover your mouth, trying to stop the sobs that wanted to erupt from your throat. Tears cascading down your cheeks as you ran to your room. You didn’t even make it to the bed before collapsing into a puddle of sobs on the floor.

You stayed there until the early hours of the morning. When you finally felt like you didn’t have enough liquid in you to cry anymore, you pushed yourself of the ground. You were shaky as you made your way to the common room and the kitchen. All you wanted was a tub of ice cream and to go back to your room. You were grabbing everything you needed, when you heard happy humming coming closer. You looked up to see Sharon, humming, as she entered the kitchen. You couldn’t help but stare when you noticed at all she was wearing was a shirt. Steve’s shirt. When she noticed you, her face filled with fake concern.

“Oh my,” she gasped, coming closer. “Y/N, you look awful. Have you been crying?”

“It’s been a hard night,” you mumbled, getting back to what you were doing.

“I’m sorry… well, my night’s been great! I’ve been with Steve all night.” The metal spoon that you had just grabbed, clattering onto the counter top. “I do want to thank you though, for allowing Steve to have all that practice on you. It was truly wonderful.” Your dry eyes began filling with tears as your shaking got worse. “It’s finally nice to know he feels the same.”

And that was the last straw. You rushed out of the room, not caring about the mess you were leaving. You needed to get away from that woman. Away from the one Steve wanted. When you reached your room, you decided that you needed a break. You began throwing things in a duffle as you gave FRIDAY orders to tell Fury that you were going on a much needed vacation. You ordered the AI to tell Fury that it was a no contact vacay and that both Fury and FRIDAY needed to stop tracking you as soon as you left the building. 

You snapped your duffle shut before reaching for your phone. Your hand hovered over it for a moment as you thought about whether or not to take it with you. If you did, Tony would be able to track you down as soon as the team noticed you were gone. If you didn’t, well, you were only going to be gone a few weeks at most. Right? You pulled your hand away before it could grab the phone. Pulling the duffle onto your shoulder before heading out of your room, and out of the compound.

~~~

Steve’s brain stopped for a moment as Sharon forced her lips onto his. His hands found a way to her hips. Not because it was natural, but because he wanted her off of him. After he finally got his brain functioning, he pushed her off of him.

“Oh, come on, Steve,” Sharon said, seductively, trying to get back back to what she was doing. “You know you enjoyed it.”

“Stop, Sharon,” Steve pushed her away again. “You know I don’t feel that way about you. I’m in love with Y/N.”

“But are you? It seems that you’re just using her to let off some steam.”

“I would never just use her. Yes, she deserves better than me being silent about my feelings. But I would never use her. If she said for me to stop and leave her alone, than I would. Because I love her.”

“But does she love you?”

“I hope. But whether she does or not, I will not be coming to you for anything, Sharon. I’m sorry, but we’re just friends.”

Then Steve entered his room, trying to gain the courage to finally confess his feelings to you in the morning.

~~~

Steve was alway an early bird. But today, he was extra early. He was finally going to tell you that he loved you. He was up making your favorite breakfast, planning on delivering it to your room for you. After carefully arranging the breakfast on a tray, he carried it to your room. 

“FRIDAY, can you open Y/N’s door for me?” Steve asked the AI.

The door swung open and Steve entered. He looked around the room, immediately noticing that something was wrong. The bed had clearly not been slept in and various  drawers were open from your dressers, clothes falling out of them. 

“Y/N?” He called, venturing in further. There was no answer and it was clear, you were not in here. “FRIDAY? Can you give me Y/N’s location?”

“Y/N’s location has been turned off,” FRIDAY replied.

“What?! Why? Who gave that order?”

“Y/N has requested some time off. She ordered me to stop tracking her after she left the building. Fury approved it as well.”

“Did she say why?”

“No. But she had spent most of the night crying.”

Steve set the tray down on your dresser, rushing to pull his phone out of his pocket. He immediately dialed your number. His heart dropped when he heard the buzzing of a phone on her bed. Slowly, Steve walked over to see your phone on your bed, ringing. A picture of the two of you was shining up at Steve with his name on the screen and a heart next to it. It was all taunting him. He grabbed the phone and rushed into the common room, where the rest of the team was eating breakfast.

“Y/N’s gone!” He yelled. Everyone’s head snapped for look at the captain. “She’s gone.”

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Natasha asked.

“Like, she’s not in the compound, I have her phone, and FRIDAY stopped tracking her.”

“Did the compound get broken into last night?” Bucky asked, turning to look at Tony.

“No,” the billionaire shook his head. “FRIDAY would have alerted all of us.”

“FRIDAY told me she requested time off,” Steve said. “But why would she do that without telling any of us?”

“Did anyone do anything to upset her?” Vision asked. Everyone looked at Tony.

“Hey! Woah!” Tony held his hands up. “I haven’t seen her in a few days. I’ve been held up in the lab. You should all be looking at lover boy over there.” Everyone turned to look at Steve.

“What did you do, punk?” Bucky wondered.

“Me?!” Steve pointed to himself. “I— I— nothing I can currently think of.” Just then, Sharon waltzed into the room. The rest of the team all had the same thought run through their heads. “You.” Steve pointed at Sharon. “What did you do to Y/N?”

“Well, good morning to you too, Steve,” Sharon replied, preparing herself some breakfast. “Now, what are you excusing me of?”

“You know exactly what,” Wanda responded, having entered Sharon’s mind. Wanda stood across the kitchen island, challenging the agent. “You tricked her into thinking that you and Steve slept together. And that he was only using her.”

“What?!” Steve exclaimed. “Why would you do that?”

“Because, Steve,” Sharon began, “I want you all for myself. And her and her feelings were in the way.”

“F-feelings?”

“Oh, please, Steve. You can’t seriously tell me that you couldn’t see that she was in love with you?”

“She was… in love… with me…”

“She was trying to gain the courage to tell you,” Nat explained. “Wanda and I were pretty sure she was going to last night.”

“Oh, and she was,” Sharon teased. “But I kissed Steve just in time.”

“Are you telling us, she saw you kissing Steve?” Bucky questioned. “And you knew she would?”

“Planned it all perfectly,” Sharon shrugged.

“Out,” Tony growled. “Get out of my compound. Now!”

~~~

Fury stopped by later that day, immediately getting bombarded by questions from the team.

“I do not know where Y/N went,” Fury responded. “She did not give me those details. She just requested the time off and told me to stop tracking her.”

“And you listened?” Steve asked.

“She’s the one that gives me the least amount of grief of all of you. I thought that she deserved it. She’ll be back, in two weeks.”

“Two weeks?!”

“Yes, she requested an extension this morning. I would suggest that all of you allow her this time. Y/N will be back, just give her space.”

~~~

But two weeks passed, that no one had seen or heard from you. Not even Fury. And that was stressing everyone out, especially Steve. They all were searching for you. But you were good, and weren’t making it easy on them. You didn’t want to be found, especially after the pregnancy test.

You were pregnant with Steve’s child. You had thrown around going back because of it. But you eventually decided that there was no way you were going to allow Sharon to co-parent your child. So you stayed hidden, preparing for your baby without anyone.

No one was there for you when your son was born, which you cried a lot about. Especially when you son was put in your arms. It looked too much like Steve for his own good. You named him James Steven, and you loved him more than anything in the world. He was ten months old with Tony showed up at your doorstep. You quickly tried to slam the door in Tony’s face, but he stopped it with his foot.

“Don’t even think about it,” Tony said, coming into the house. “You don’t get to push me away. We’re family.”

“Were,” you corrected, holding James close.

“That’s your choice, not any of ours.”

“How did you find me?”

“You made the mistake of showing your face to a grocery store security camera. Don’t worry though, I came alone and no one knows I’ve found you yet. I wanted to talk to you alone first.”

“Have a seat,” you gestured to the couch. “I’m just going to put the baby down for a nap.”

Tony nodded, moving to sit on the couch. He looked around, taking in the little house you’d been living in since you left the compound. It was cute. There were pictures hung up all around of you and your son. But nothing from before that. You quietly came back in and sat on the other end of the couch.

“Cute son,” Tony commented.

“Thanks,” you replied nervously.

“He Steve’s?”

You sighed, looking down at your fidgety hands in your lap. “Yes. His name is James Steven.”

“Have you been raising him alone?” You nodded. “You know you didn’t have to.”

“I know… I just couldn’t stand going back knowing that Steve had feelings for Sharon.”

Tony scoffed. “That bitch tricked you, Y/N. She did all that to make sure you’d leave and she could have him. But Capsicle is too in love with you to move on.”

“What?” You quietly gasped.

“He’s still in love with you. When he’s not stupidly risking his life on missions, he’s still searching for you. He misses you, we all do.”

You bit the inside of your cheek and turned to face away from Tony. You still loved Steve too, after all this time. But you never imagined that he would still be searching for you.

“Come home,” Tony begged. “Bring James and come home.”

“I don’t know, Tony…” You shook your head. “Steve can’t possibly still love me after the way I left. He—“

“But I do,” another voice said. Your head snapped up to see Steve standing in the entry way. “I still love you, Y/N.”

You studied him. He had grown a beard and the bags under his eyes were more prominent, but he was still the same Steve.

“I’m going to go watch my new nephew sleep,” Tony hurried out of the room as Steve walked around the couch.

“I should have told you sooner,” Steve continued. “And there were so many times I wanted to, I was just scared. I realize now that was foolish of me.” Steve sat on the couch, close enough so your knees were touching. “You never had to run away.”

“I just… I thought—,” you stammered.

“I know what you thought. And Sharon was kicked out of the Initiative the next day.” He reached over and carefully took your hands in his. “I never felt anything for her, Y/N. My heart has always belonged to you.”

“I’m so sorry, Steve,” you quietly cried. “I over reacted. I just couldn’t be near you two if you were going to be with her. And then once I realized I was pregnant…. I couldn’t stand the thought of co-parenting with her.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I never have held anything against you. Yes, I do wish that I got to help you through the pregnancy and been there when my son was born, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. And our son.”

“Oh, Steve.” You wrapped your arms around him and pulled yourself into him. “I love you.”

He quickly held you close. “I love you too.”

Crying came from down the hall before Tony’s shouts, “I promise I didn’t do anything! I just wanted to hold him!”

You and Steve both chuckled. “Do you… um… do you want to meet him?” You asked Steve.

“Yes,” he nodded. 

You grabbed Steve’s hand and led him to your son’s bedroom, where Tony was trying to figure out how to calm him.

“It’s okay, Tony,” you said. “I’ve got him.” You took James from his arms. “It’s okay, sweetie. Mommy’s here.”

“I’ll just go out and let the team know they can come in now,” Tony said.

“Team? I thought you said you were alone?”

“Well I kind of lied about that. You’ll thank me later.” 

Tony pressed a kiss to your cheek before leaving. James was cooing in your arms, reaching up for you. You lightly bounced him as you walked towards Steve.

“Do you want to met your dad, James?” You asked the baby.

“James?” Steve repeated.

“James Steven Rogers,” you clarified. “Hold out your arms.” Steve did as he was told. “Be careful with his head,” you directed as you slipped James from your arms to Steve’s. “There you go.”

A smile grew on your face as you watched Steve hold his son for the first time. Steve smiled as he quietly talked to his son. He looked over at you, waving you over. You walked over allowing Steve’s arm to wrap around you and pull you into his side. He leaned down and kissed you, trying to pour all his love into it while still minding the child in his arm.

“I love you,” he whispered. “And I’m never letting you go again.”

[just-jordie-things]

Long Days - Peter Parker

word count: 3810 warnings: swearing summary: some days are harder than others, and some missions go worse than they should.  but Peter Parker is always there to lift up your spirits

___

The mission had gone terribly.  In fact, it probably was the worst case scenario of how missions could have gone.

(y/n) curled herself up on the jet ride home.  The others who had gone with her on the mission had tried consoling her, but had no luck.  She wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened, and quite frankly, she didn’t want to talk at all.

They were supposed to infiltrate a Hydra base, where it was believed that they’d been holding Shield hostages.  Steve led Sam, Natasha, Wanda, Bucky, and (y/n) on the mission.  It was supposed to be a larger group for precaution, when really Steve and Sam alone could have gone with no trouble.  However, the extra Avengers came in handy when the incident occurred.

Natasha had come over and draped a blanket around the girl’s shoulders, smiling softly before leaving her be.  (y/n) could barely even look at her.

She felt sick to her stomach, like she could actually be sick if she thought about it any longer.  Her head was light and dizzy while somehow still pounding, and her heart was as rapid as her breathing.  Poor girl wished she could just pass out so she didn’t have to think about it anymore.

With her ability to control metal, fighting off the likes of Hydra agents was easy.  They relied on their weapons, guns, rods, tasers, all made of metal, making it simple for (y/n) to flick her wrists and force the weapons out of their hands.  She always loved the look on her enemies’ faces when she did so.

However, today, when she took the gun and cocked it, she hadn’t realized that it wasn’t a typical gun, and upon shooting it, it sent out an explosive throughout the building.

Luckily Sam was able to get Steve and Bucky out, and Wanda used her powers to retrieve (y/n) and Natasha.  None of the team was injured, but half the Hydra base ended up being destroyed, and the location of the hostages was still unknown.

The flight back to the compound in New York was tense. ___

(y/n) bolted straight to the elevator as soon as they’d arrived home, not wanting to talk to or even look at anyone.  Not while she was still unsure if the hostages were safe.  Leaving the others behind the debrief Tony on how the mission went.

Peter Parker had been waiting with Tony for them to get back, eager to see (y/n) again and show her the addition he’d made on his suit.  Since she’d joined the Avengers, the two had gotten very close.  So close in fact, that there was an obvious blush on Peter’s face every time she was around.

So you can understand the surprise he felt when she marched right past him and Tony when she’d gotten back from her mission.  She didn’t even look at him.

“Uh, what the hell?” Tony spoke, calling after (y/n), but she just kept on walking, paying no mind to the billionaire.

“(y/n)?” Peter called after her, about to follow her to see what was going on, but Steve called him back, and with a sign, took a seat in the common room.

“There was…” He trailed off, unsure of where to begin.

“There was what?” Tony demanded.  “What happened? What’s wrong with (y/n/n)?”

“There was an accident,” Natasha said calmly.  Tony’s eyes widened, and wasn’t able to find his voice.  “She got their guns, but when she used them they… they were explosives, instead of bullets”

“Oh… god…” Tony sighed, sitting down a few feet away from Steve, hanging his head in his hands.  “Poor kid… what’s the damage?”

“We aren’t sure yet, Sam left on his own as soon as we got here to check it out”

“Is she okay?” Peter asked, glancing back to where (y/n) had stormed off.

“She wouldn’t talk on the trip back,” Steve told him.  “She’s beating herself up pretty bad right now”

“But it was an accident,” Peter frowned.  “Accidents happen all the time-”

“This is (y/n) we’re talking about,” Natasha said with a weak chuckle.  “She’s more ‘fight for the greater good’ than Rogers,” The two shared a look, but Steve nodded in agreement.  “She’s scared about letting them down, letting us down.  She hurt herself more than anything”

“Not to mention when we picked her up… the incident at the high school…” Tony muttered into his hands.

“That’s not fair!” Peter argued.  “She didn’t know she’d had powers when that happened, and that guy wasn’t seriously hurt!”

“Alright Pete-”

“And maybe he should’ve thought about that before he cheated on her!” Peter went on, until Tony put his hand up to silence him and get him to calm down.

“Why don’t you take a breath kid, none of us are arguing with you,” He sighed.  “Can somebody check in with Sam and see what his update is please?” He asked, and Steve volunteered, taking his phone out and stepping out of the room.

Peter sat down next to Tony, his leg bouncing up and down rapidly.  He was worried about (y/n), and he was pissed that she was so upset with herself.

“Why don’t you go check on her?” Tony suggested.

“I don’t know, she probably wants some time to herself right now.  I don’t think she’d want to see me” Peter mumbled.

“If anyone, you’re the only one that she’d want to see,” Natasha told him.  Peter ducked his head down as his cheeks went pink.  “Tony’s right, you should check on her” The ex-assassin nodded her head to assure him that it was alright if he left.

“Okay” He agreed, and scrambled to leave and head up to her room.

(y/n) lived on the top floor with the few dormitories of the people who stayed full time at the compound.  Which meant her neighbors were Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and Natasha Romanoff.  There were extra rooms that the others would stay in occasionally.  

Tony had his own suite on the other side of the building that he shared with Pepper.

(y/n) was currently in her own dorm, still wrapped in the blanket Natasha had given her, and wearing the protective body suit that she wore on missions.  She’d curled up on her bed while she watched the news on a loop talk about the incident.  And when the report was over, she’d rewind it and watch it again.

The reporters hadn’t found that the cause of the explosion was the Avengers’ youngest recruit, (y/n), but she knew it was only a matter of time before it was uncovered.

She ignored the knocks on her door, knowing it was probably Steve, or Sam, who were sent to check on her and make her talk about what happened.

When they kept on knocking, she chucked a pillow at it and yelled for them to leave her alone.

And when the knocking went on after that, she finally got up and stomped over to the door to whip it open angrily.

“What part of leave me alone don’t you-! Oh, Peter,” Her expression dropped to a softer one upon seeing him there.  “I thought you were…”

“Yeah, I figured,” He smiled gently at her.  “Look… I just wanted to say that you don’t have to talk about it right now, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it”

She blinked, unsure of what to say, so she just nodded.

Peter realized then that the news was on, reporting on the mission today.

“Have you been watching that since you got back?” He asked, and she nodded again.

“Yeah… um… I kind of couldn’t help it, it’s been on a loop,” She explained, walking back into her room and falling back to sit on the bed, rewinding the show once more, and rewatching the footage.  “They don’t know it’s me yet.  At least, I don’t think they do, I haven’t watched the whole report yet”

Peter walked in and stood next to her, curiously listening as the newscaster explained the situation.  Half the building went down in a mysterious explosion after the Avengers infiltrate it knowing it’s a Hydra base.

“You haven’t watched it to the end?” He asked, and she shook her head, eyes still trained on the television.  “How come?”

“I just…” She trailed off, embarrassed to admit that she was reliving her mistake as a form of self punishment.  “I have” She shrugged lamely, knowing her answer was bullshit and Peter could see right through it.

“(y/n),” Peter sighed, and she guiltily stared down at her hands.  “That’s not going to get you anywhere, or give you any new information”

He walked over to her, taking the remote and fast forwarding through the events they’d already watched, up to live tv, to see what was being reported about it now.

“The Avengers may have disappeared, but the hostages haven’t.  Thankfully, their lives were spared, and they all made it out of the damage safely”

(y/n) let out a heavy sigh, tears coming to her eyes as she leaned forward and put her face in her hands.

“Thank god,” She mumbled, over and over again into her palms.  Peter smiled down at her, only to see that she’d begun to cry.  Immediately he was crouching in front of her and pulling her hands away from her face.  “I’m sorry,” She cried weakly.  “I’m so sorry, I-I feel- I feel awful”

“No, no hey…” Peter spoke softly, brows knit together in confusion and worry.  “(y/n/n) why are you crying? It’s alright, everyone’s alright, you don’t have to worry anymore”

“I just- it’s just- it almost doesn’t matter that they’re safe because I still slipped up,” She told him, angrily wiping at the tears on her face.  “That’s on me”

“(y/n), you know that’s not true,” Peter tried to reassure her, but she didn’t seem to really be listening to him.  “Hey, really, you didn’t know about the gun-”

“They told you?” (y/n) asked, earning an awkward side to side nod.

“Uh.. yeah, well yeah,” He answered nervously.  “But (y/n), you’re not listening to me, you’re okay, they’re okay,” Peter took her hands in his, so she’d actually pay attention to what he was saying.  “You didn’t hurt anybody”

“There’s always an incident, Peter,” She whimpered.  “Back when I was in school, when I first joined the team, now, there’s always going to be an incident.  I’m always going to cause an accident and I’m so tired”

Peter’s thumbs stroked over the back of her hands as he shook his head.

“No, (y/n), come on, you can’t think of it that way.  You’ve made such great progress, you’ve done so well-”

“I hurt people, everytime I get close to progress.  Close to normal-”

She began to cry again, and Peter moved forward, shaking his head rapidly and hoping that she would stop crying.

“No, no no no,” He told her, taking her face and wiping her tears.  “(y/n), you’ve never hurt anyone… who didn’t deserve it,” She gave him a pointed glare, and Peter just smiled back at her.  “And I don’t know if you’ve looked at the rest of us… but normal is not a defining word of the Avengers”

“Peter…” (y/n) sighed, her eyes falling shut.  She knew he was trying to help, and that he wasn’t great with words most- or all- of the time.

“Really.  Steve and Barnes are like, a thousand years old-”

“One hundred-” She tried to correct him but he just went on.

“Wanda is an actual witch, Banner gets giant and green and mean, that Lang guy? He can shrink down real small, and get really big too.  And I, for some reason, can stick to walls.  And I’m also really strong”

(y/n) chuckled through her tears, smiling at him, genuinely.

She thought for a moment that maybe that was his superpower, lifting her up when she felt like she was at her worst.

“So really, you being able to do the whole magnet thing that you do isn’t all that special” He said proudly, grinning at her and dropping his hands from her face.  (y/n) laughed a little more at his unorthodox way of lifting her spirits.

“Thanks, Peter,” She told him sarcastically, before leaning over and wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug.  “You’re an idiot, but you’re a sweet idiot”

Peter had to bite his cheek to keep from smiling too wide when he hugged her back.  They were close, but usually not this close.

“I should probably go explain to the others,” She said softly when she pulled away.  “They deserve my side of it” Peter nodded in agreement as they both stood up to leave her room.

“Yeah, that’s fair, but hey, do you want to hang out in the lab later?” He asked, and she nodded back at him.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll meet you down there tonight.  I actually have some great ideas for your suit.  Mostly that it should be all black” She suggested playfully.

“Yeah, uh huh, still not happening but great try” He responded, as they left her dorm.

“See you around nine in the lab?” She asked, and Peter nodded eagerly before they went their separate ways. ___

Her talk with the Avengers went well, it turns out that they hadn’t put much blame on her as she’d assumed they would, and now her and Wanda were relaxing in the common room and watching tv.

“So, Peter Parker made you feel better?” The Scarlet Witch asked after a little while of comfortable silence.

“Yeah,” (y/n) smiled over at her before looking back to the television show.  “It was really sweet, he helped a lot”

Wanda hummed, quirking a suggestive eyebrow that didn’t go unnoticed by (y/n).

“What?” She asked, but Wanda just shrugged and pretended not to understand.  “Come on, what? What was that look for?”

“Oh, nothing,” Wanda sighed, indicating that it was definitely something.  (y/n) rolled her eyes, and angled her body sideways on the couch to face Wanda completely.  She impatiently waited for her to explain herself.  “Just thinking, is all” Wanda shrugged again.

“Alright, thinking about what?”

“You and Peter” She answered, staring at the younger girl seriously.  (y/n) forced out a laugh, but her face fell when Wanda began to smirk.

“Wait, what?”

“I mean, how much longer are you two going to dance around this?” The witch asked, propping her elbow on the top cushion of the couch, and leaning her head in her hand, watching (y/n) skeptically.

“What do you mean?” (y/n) asked softly, nervously.

“You know what I mean,” Wanda chuckled.  “Come on, seriously (y/n/n)-”

“I don’t know what you mean” She mumbled, pulling her legs to her chest and setting her chin on her knees.  Wanda cocked her head to the side with a smile that only grew wider as (y/n’s) cheeks got pinker.

“I can read your mind, honey,” Wanda said, and the two laughed quietly.  “I know you care about him.  And I don’t need to read Peter’s mind to know he cares about you too.  A lot.  Like it’s alarming we aren’t all making fun of him all the time for being so obvious about his feelings about you-”

“Okay, I get it,” (y/n) cut her off, lifting her head from her knees and anxiously pulling her hair back.  “I just don’t- I don’t know the right thing to do here, I don’t know the right way to go from friends to more than that, and quite honestly I’m a little worried about the whole ‘dating someone on the team with powers’ thing, like how-”

“Okay, breathe,” Wanda said playfully, and moved closer to (y/n) on the couch.  Here’s how you go about it, you walk up to him, you tell him how you feel, you listen to how he feels, and then you go to dinner and a movie”

(y/n) gave Wanda a blank look.

“I’m serious,” Wanda said.  “It’s exactly what I said to Vision”

“That’s different.  He was like- literally in love with you”

Wanda stared at (y/n) pointedly, and promptly picked up her mug of tea, and took a sip.

Nothing else needed to be said. ___

When nine o’clock rolled around, (y/n) eagerly rushed down to the lab, not surprised to see Peter was already there, coming up with a new algorithm for this suit.  She guessed that he’d been down here since they’d parted earlier, and that he’d probably stay down here until early in the morning.

“Hey,” She called when she walked in, shutting the door behind her.  Peter grinned up at her, finishing up some of the coding, not wanting to lose the rhythm her had going with it.  “How long have you been down here?”

“Like, two hours,” Peter said with a nervous laugh.  “How’d your talk go with Mr Stark and-”

“Do you like me?” She asked him abruptly, and he finally pulled himself away from the tech, staring up at her with wide eyes and flushed cheeks.  “You know, like, as more than a friend?”

“Um-” Peter’s mouth opened and closed, and (y/n) giggled at how he looked like a fish.  He was trying so hard to form words, or even a coherent thought, to process what she’d just asked him.

“Cause look I… I really like you, Peter,” She told him softly, easing his nerves right away.  “You- you make me feel like a better person than I am.  And you make me want to be that better person and…” She smiled to herself as she    “And I was thinking that maybe if you liked me too then we could-”

“Yes,” Peter said rather quickly, dropping his things on the table and walking over to her.  “I like you too, I like you a lot”

“You do?” She asked, and Peter nodded his head rapidly, making her laugh.  “Good, because it’d be really awkward if you didn’t,” He laughed with her, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.  “So… you want to go out sometime?” She asked, cheeks rosy as she bounced on the balls of her feet.

“Yeah, yeah I would,” He agreed, making her grin ear to ear.  “So are you gonna show me your new ideas for my suit, or just admit that you want me to wear all black?”

(y/n) laughed as she followed him over to the work table. ___

“They’re so cute” Wanda gushed as her, Steve, Sam, Nat, and Bruce were watching (y/n) and Peter working in the lab.  They couldn’t hear much of what they were saying, due to the thick (bulletproof, actually) window, but there was a lot of smiling and laughing.

“Do you think he asked her out?” Bruce asked, and the other four chuckled, shaking their heads.

“No, definitely not” Sam said as kindly as he could.

“It was definitely her,” Natasha stated.  “Oh look!”

They all watched as Peter was tinkering with his suit, and (y/n) leaned over from behind him, pointing to different pieces and instructing him on what to do, until eventually she just used her powers and did it for him.

“Awww” Everyone cooed, grinning like proud parents as they watched them interact.

“It’s nice to see them finally together-” Steve started, but was quickly shushed by Wanda and Nat.

“They’re gonna kiss!” Natasha announced, everyone’s focus on the pair in the lab.  He’d turned around to look at her, smiles on their faces as they seemed to be celebrating.

“I think they figured out his repairs,” Sam said.  “Look at that, they’ve got heart eyes”

“He’s leaning!” Wanda announced, clapping her hands together.

“I can’t believe he’s gonna be the one to make the first move” Bruce mused.

“Second move” Wanda corrected.

(y/n’s) hand set on his shoulder as she leaned in closer to Peter, and his own hands held her at her waist, bringing her in, and just as they were about to close the gap-

BAM.

Bruce tripped, having leaned over too far, and slammed into the window, making Peter and (y/n) leap apart and whip around to see the group of Avengers spying on them.  They shared a surprised and embarrassed look before looking back at the group of adults with their faces pressed to the window.

“Uh oh” Sam muttered, as the pair in the lab came rushing over to the doors.

“Thanks a lot Bruce” Natasha hissed.

“Are you guys serious?” (y/n) scolded as she whipped open the door and pointed an accusatory finger towards them.  “What are you, five? Spying on us?”

“Maybe-” Bruce started, and before (y/n) could yell some more, Peter pulled her back and gave them an awkward smile.

“Hey guys, little weird that you were watching us-”

“We just thought you were cute, we didn’t mean to invade your privacy” Steve apologized like the diplomat he was.

“Still creepy” (y/n) replied.

“We just wanted to know if you were gonna go for it and kiss her, man” Sam said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Yeah… still creepy” (y/n) repeated, while Peter ducked his head to hide his blush.  (y/n) leaned a little into his side comfortingly.

“We’ll leave you be now” Natasha said, being sure to grab Bruce and pull him away before he could slip and say something creepy.

Steve and Sam followed them, leaving Wanda to grin at (y/n).

“Don’t- don’t even say anything,” (y/n) said, putting a hand up to her face.  “Just give us some privacy and I’ll talk to you tomorrow”

“Alright, fine,” Wanda agreed, reaching forward and squeezing her hand lovingly.  “Talk to you tomorrow.  Goodnight, honey”

“Goodnight” (y/n) replied with a nod as Wanda left.

“Well,” Peter breathed out.  “That was pretty weird”

“Not for them it wasn’t,” (y/n) chuckled, and looked up at him with a soft smile.  “It was kinda sweet… but mostly creepy”

“Yeah it was more creepy than anything” He answered.

(y/n) grinned at him, her hand reaching up to touch his cheek gently, before she leaned up on the tips of her toes to kiss him.

It was a short kiss, but it was sweet and lovely and she tasted like sugar and strawberries.

When they parted, she grinned at him, and he couldn’t help but return the smile.

“Wanna make pancakes and prank all Tony?” She asked, almost affectionately.

“Yes!” Peter agreed excitedly, taking her hand as they raced to the kitchen.  “Best first date ever!”

___

taglist:  @writings-and-stuff @rofromtheashes @tomshufflepuff @steve-avengers-rogers @vibhati123 @dark-night-sky-99  @hollandhours @drakonwild @imofficiallyobsessed

xoxo ~ jordie

[calwrites]

The Illusion (part 1)

Summary: Reader has tried her hardest to keep the rest of the BAU from learning about her past. When her father dies and she has to go home, her secrets might come out.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Umbrella Academy!Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 4.8k

This is kind of a crazy, stupid idea, but I’ve read a couple fics where the reader is like an Avenger or a vampire and the team finds out and I think they’re really fun, so I decided to give it a try. Part 2 will come out in a few days probably. I’m trying to decide how far into the show to go.

--------------------------

“Well I don’t know about you guys, but I am so ready to go home,” Derek groaned. The rest of the team echoed his sentiment as you all followed him into the small town police station that you had been in way too much this past week. You were more than ready to get back to your apartment and not talk to anyone until Monday.

In the back of your mind, you knew that Allison’s new movie had just come out. She had probably been getting ready for the premiere as you were tackling the unsub. Still, you should probably see the movie this weekend, while you had some free time without a case. Even though the premise didn’t exactly entice you, you should at least see it so you could text her about how good she was in it. It had been too long since you had talked to your sister. A few texts after the news of her divorce broke and some empty promises to hang out soon, but you hadn’t had a real conversation with her in over a year. It had been a lot longer since you had talked to the rest of your siblings, with the exception of Diego, who would appear occasionally to ask for your help in whatever “case” he was working. You had learned that it was easier to help him find whatever information he was looking for and then send him on his way. He was less likely to break into your apartment or try to hack your work computer that way.

Still, it would be nice to see Allison again, even if it was just on a screen. Your eyes flicked to Spencer before you could stop them. He invited you to so many niche events that maybe he wouldn’t question why you wanted to see the new Allison Hargreeves movie so badly or why you invited him. 

You weren’t really sure if you two had been on any actual dates or if you were just two friends hanging out. He always had some reason why he was inviting you specifically. You knew Russian, so he wouldn’t have to translate the movie for you. You knew Roman comedy, so the two of you could discuss whether the performance was historically accurate. You knew Japanese art history, so you could carry out a conversation about the new exhibit. None of those reasons stopped the crush that you had on Spencer Reid.

But you couldn’t say anything. Besides the fact that he was your coworker, you couldn’t risk him getting dragged into any family drama. None of your coworkers knew about your family. As far as anyone was aware, you didn’t have a good relationship with your family, and you certainly didn’t like to talk about them. They probably had their own theories about why. What had your family done that made you not flinch when cases took a turn like this last one did? Why weren’t you surprised that a father could kill his child and then pretend to be the picture of grief? Because as far as you were concerned, your father had killed two of his children and had killed everything good about the other six.

These thoughts ran silently through your head as you helped the team pack everything up. Soon, you would be on the jet, heading back to DC. And tomorrow, you would see your sister’s new movie. Hopefully, with Spencer.

A noise from the TV in the corner of the station shook you out of your thoughts. Breaking news, apparently. You turned back to the papers you were organizing, prepared to ignore whatever celebrity cheating scandal they were about to break.

“...the death of the world’s most eccentric and reclusive billionaire…”

The words made your breath catch. There was only one person they could be talking about. You made yourself look at the TV. Staring back at you was your father’s face. Or a picture of it, at least. Though really, you saw pictures of your father more than you had ever actually seen your father in person.

“Wow.” JJ’s voice beside you startled you a bit. “Reginald Hargreeves. I haven’t thought about him in forever.”

“I can’t believe he died. I kind of assumed he would live forever,” Emily said from your other side. It seemed the TV had caught everyone’s attention. “I mean, he was a crazy billionaire. Aren’t they supposed to find the secret to eternal life?”

“Y/N, are you okay?” You met Spencer’s kind eyes, but couldn’t find any words for a few seconds. Finally, you managed a smile.

“Of course. It’s just kind of shocking, I guess. Why?”

“You’re rubbing your arm. You do that when you’re upset.” You hadn’t even realized that you were doing it again. Had you always done it? You must have, if Spencer had noticed.

You could still remember the first time. It was a few days after you had gotten the stupid tattoo. Your skin was still sore, but you had scrubbed and scrubbed, trying to get the tattoo to wash off, until your skin was red and raw. You knew it wouldn’t wash off. You knew, yet you tried constantly. Even now, apparently. Now your father was dead and you would still have that stupid tattoo that marked you as one of his. As one of the Umbrella Academy kids. A freak. A soldier. A pawn.

Shaking your head a bit to clear your thoughts, you looked at Spencer. “I think I’m just ready to be home. It’s been a long case, and this is weird news to get at the end of it. I’m just tired.”

You weren’t sure if Spencer believed you, but he nodded and didn’t question it. The team continued packing up in silence. It wasn’t until you were back on the jet that anyone brought it up again.

“So who was your favorite Umbrella Academy kid?” Derek asked, breaking the silence of the jet.

“Let me guess, yours was Spaceboy. You wanted to be super strong like him,” Emily teased lightly.

“For your information, my favorite was The Kraken. If he was that good with knives, imagine how good he would be throwing a football,” Derek corrected her, an easy smile on his face. How strange that everyone else could talk so casually about them. Of course, as far your team was concerned, they were just names and faces from TV or trading cards. They weren’t real people.

“Well I wanted to be The Rumor. Imagine how much easier sneaking out would be if you could just tell your parents to let you go.” Emily laughed as she said it. She didn’t understand how easy it was to get caught up in that power. You had seen it happen, though.

“I always liked The Illusion. I mean, making people see whatever you wanted them to would be so cool. Plus, reading minds would be helpful. It would make interrogations go a lot quicker.” It was only because of years of practice that you didn’t react to JJ’s words. The rest of the team began discussing how helpful it would be to be able to read an unsub’s mind. Not that you would know. You refused to do it.

“Project your consciousness into their brain. Know their thoughts. See what they see.”

Those words were some of your earliest memories. You would stand across from one of your siblings, reading their thoughts, seeing through their eyes, hearing through their ears, feeling what they felt, while your father kept repeating those words. That was before you had realized the true extent of your powers.

“Y/N, who was your favorite?” You blinked in surprise at Derek’s question. Everyone’s eyes were on you.

“It changed, I guess.” It was a lame answer, but they accepted it and continued to argue amongst themselves about who was the best. It was the truth, though. You had always been close with Allison. That had never changed. The girls had to stick together. You guessed that you were probably close to Vanya when you were younger, but you saw her less and less as you got older and training began to occupy more of your time. You certainly weren’t close to her now. Not after what she had written about you.

You and Five had been close for a time. Both of you were desperate to prove to your father that you were more powerful than he thought. That you weren’t worthless just because you were on the lower half of the rankings. But then Five had disappeared, and you discovered a new aspect of your powers. 

It was because of Luther. A few weeks had passed since Five’s disappearance, and Luther, in a horrible attempt to “be a leader” and “boost morale” had said that Five brought the disappearance on himself because he hadn’t listened when Dad told him not to try time travelling. Something in you had snapped. You wanted Luther to experience what you had imagined Five did. Lost in darkness, unsure of where or when you were. Just an expanse of nothingness. 

You didn’t even know you were doing it at first, but Luther started to scream. It was over as quick as it began, thanks to the shock of Luther’s yell. He shivered as he explained that suddenly he couldn’t see, hear, or feel anything. It was like nothingness. Luther never quite forgave you for that, but you would never forget the joyful look in your father’s eyes as he realized that it was your doing. That not only could you tap into another person’s brain. You could manipulate it.

But it was harder to control. And after you accidentally left one criminal permanently blind, you were scared of your powers. Klaus and Ben understood how you felt, and the three of you became inseparable. Even after Ben died, that didn’t change. None of your siblings knew that Ben was still around, but you did. Klaus would let you use his eyes and ears so that you could talk to Ben. You missed them. Klaus would show up at your apartment sometimes, looking for money. You would get him to stay for a few days and take some time off work so you could watch him. The three of you would hang out like old times. But eventually you would have to go back to work, and you would come back to find an empty apartment and missing cash.

Despite the fact that Diego was the one you talked to most often now, you two hadn’t gotten along as children. There were rare times when you would click, but for the most part it was constant bickering. You two were too much alike. Quick to anger and slow to forgive.

You were stuck in these memories for the rest of the flight. No one said anything about your silence, but you did feel Spencer’s gaze on you often. You continued to rub your arm, like you would be able to rub off the tattoo that was always covered by your sleeve.

Most of the team left the office pretty quickly once you arrived back in DC. They dropped off whatever needed to be dropped off, then headed home. You lingered, wanting to catch Hotch alone. It would be easier if there was no one around to question what you needed to talk to him about.

“Do you want me to wait up, Y/N? We can take the metro back together.” You smiled genuinely at Spencer’s question. The two of you lived close to each other, so you often left together, either carpooling or taking the metro together.

“No, it’s fine. I need to talk to Hotch before I leave. I’ll see you soon.” Spencer gave you a small wave as he left. You watched him go, feeling strangely sad. How you wished you could walk out with him and ask if he wanted to go see a movie tomorrow night. It seemed so long ago when that had been your plan.

“Hotch.” You knocked on his door, waiting for his answer before opening the door. He was looking over paperwork, as usual, and barely looked up when you came in. “I was wondering if I could have a few days off.”

That made him look up, his eyes drilling into yours. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes.” No. “I just need a few days. I don’t want to be gone long. It’s my brother.” It was the same thing you said whenever Klaus or Diego showed up. You waited for Hotch’s answer, a carefully blank look on your face. There were always a few seconds where you would worry that he had somehow figured out who you were. That the fake last name and fake childhood records weren’t enough. But they always were.

“Of course, Y/L/N. Take as much time as you need. And we’re here if you need anything.”

“Thank you, sir.” You smiled at him as you walked out of his office, though smiling was the last thing you wanted to do. Now you had no reason not to go back home. You would have to try to mourn your father. You would have to see your siblings.

--------------------------

The house looked exactly like you remembered. Big and empty. The sound of the door echoed as it closed behind you. You wondered if anyone else was here yet. You heard the steps of someone walking towards the entryway. Allison, if you had to guess, based on the footsteps.

“Y/N!” You were right. The smile that lit up your face was mirrored on Allison’s as you two rushed to hug each other. “I’ve missed you.”

“You too. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t make it to your movie this weekend.” The two of you laughed for a few seconds before remembering why you were there. “How are you doing?”

Allison shrugged and shook her head slightly. “I already lost my husband and I’m not allowed to talk to my daughter. Now my father is dead. It’s been a rough year. How are you? How’s the genius you’re almost dating?”

“I’m good. We just finished a rough case yesterday, so I’m a little bummed that I don’t get to relax this weekend. Spencer is also good. The other week we went to a shadow puppet theater festival. He said that he was glad he had a friend who was willing to go to stuff like that with him, so I don’t think he’s interested in me.”

Allison linked her arm through yours. You walked slowly through the halls, not talking. It was comforting enough just being with someone who understood what you were going through. With Allison, actions spoke louder than words.

“Is anyone else here yet?”

“Diego and Luther. I haven’t seen Klaus or Vanya. Who knows if they’ll show up.”

“Klaus will show up if he knows about it and isn’t in rehab. I wouldn’t be surprised if Vanya doesn’t show. She’s already said a lot about Dad. I don’t know if she has anything more to add.”

“You’re still mad.” It wasn’t a question, but you nodded anyway. “You know how excluded Vanya was growing up. Can you blame her?”

“That wasn’t our fault. If she wanted to tell her story, that’s fine. If she wanted to drag Dad’s name through the mud, that’s fine. He more than deserved it. She didn’t need to write about the rest of us though. I mean, my coworkers read that book. One detail that’s too specific and they could have figured out who I am. ‘So desperate to prove that she’s worthy of being called a hero that even now she devotes her life to fighting crime.’ She might as well have told everyone that I’m an FBI agent. I’ve tried so hard to build a normal life, and she could have ruined it all.”

A car pulled up outside the house as we passed by a window. You paused, watching as Vanya got out of the back. “Speak of the devil.”

Allison gave you a disapproving look. “I’m going to go see her. Coming?”

“Definitely not. I’ll see you later.” You could hear the door open and Vanya’s voice come floating up. You continued walking until you found myself outside of your father’s room. You could hear the floor creaking inside. Too heavy to be Diego. Must be Luther.

“What are you doing?” You asked as you walked into the room. Luther was standing by your dad’s bed, inspecting it. He was a lot bigger than the last time you had seen him. And his mind seemed to be screaming about why. You tried not to read his thoughts, but Luther’s head had always been a bit of an open book.

“This is where he died. Where Pogo found him.” Didn’t really explain what he was doing, but you could guess.

“No sign of a struggle.” You walked over to a window. It was locked. All of the windows were locked. “No sign of forced entry. No way someone could sneak in without Pogo or Mom knowing.”

“She’s right.” Diego entered. His eyes widened when he saw Luther. “Oh, you got big, Luther. What’s the secret, huh? Protein shakes? Low carbs?”

“What do you want?”

Diego pulled some paper from his pocket, holding it out to Luther. “The autopsy report.” Of course, being Diego, he pulled it back when Luther reached for it. Anything to rile up Luther.

“And you have this why?”

“Well, that’s because I broke into the coroner’s office. And surprise, surprise, Dad’s death was normal.”

“Y/N, he’s not allowed to do that,” Luther said, pointing an accusing finger at Diego as he looked at you. “You’re an FBI agent. Arrest him.”

“I’m not arresting my brother at Dad’s funeral. And I’m not on the clock. Grow up, Luther.” You took the report from Luther, glancing over it quickly. Heart failure. Normal. No reason to question it. But Luther would, and you didn’t want to be there when he and Diego started to fight. “I’ll leave you boys to it. I’m going to see if I can find Klaus.”

You left quickly. Where would Klaus go if he was here? You rolled your eyes when you realized the obvious answer. Dad’s office. Not only would there be valuables there, it would also be like giving the old man a giant middle finger. Typical Klaus.

Sure enough, you could hear him rummaging around the desk before you could see him. “Looking for something?” His head popped up, a grin splitting his face when he saw you. You wouldn’t stop him from taking anything, and he knew it. You didn’t need to enter his mind to know that he was high. You could see it in his eyes just as clearly as you could see the fresh rehab bracelet on his wrist. “Fresh out of rehab and already high? I don’t know how you manage it.”

“I guess I’m just incredible.” You rolled your eyes at him, but still accepted his hug with a smile.

“I know that this is hard for you, but Ben should be here. Even if the others can’t see him. He should get a chance to say goodbye.”

Klaus’s eyes were glued to the floor as he spoke. “I know.”

You didn’t get a chance to say anything else before Allison came in. It was nice, just the three of you. You three never fought. Mostly, you and Allison used to just laugh at whatever bit Klaus was doing.

“Number Three,” he was saying in a bad impression of your father’s voice when he was interrupted by Luther.

“Get out of his chair.” Of course. Perfect Number One was still so worried about following your father’s orders. Even now, he made Klaus empty his pockets as the two of you tried to leave so Luther and Allison could talk in private. But once you two were out of the room, you grinned and handed Klaus some things that you had snuck in your pockets before Luther came in. Nothing important or too valuable. It was really just a gesture to tell Klaus that you were on his side.

“And whatever is in your pants, make sure it’s nothing important before you sell it.” Being Klaus, he pretended to have no idea what you were talking about, but he shot you a wink before he wandered away.

--------------------------

You stood at the bar next to Klaus, wondering who was going to speak first. Your money was on Luther. You accepted the drink that Klaus handed you without bothering to ask what it was. Any alcohol would help you get through this.

“I guess we should get this started.” You were right. You took a seat as Luther stood up. You mostly tuned Luther out, as you always had. He was talking about scattering your father’s ashes.

“Dad had a favorite spot?” Allison asked.

“You know under the oak tree.” Everyone looked blankly at Luther. You remembered watching your father and Luther talking there when you were younger. It used to make you jealous. Now, it just made you mad. “We used to sit out there all the time. None of you ever did that?”

“No, Luther. We didn’t. He didn’t like any of us.” You gestured to the rest of your siblings as you spoke. You shouldn’t be doing this. You shouldn’t be lashing out. You were an FBI agent. Surely you were better than that. But there was something about being in this house with your siblings with the focus on your father that turned you into a child again.

And it didn’t matter whether you added fuel to the fire or not. Someone was bound to set everything off. 

“Listen up. There’s still some important things we need to discuss.”

“Like what?” Diego asked. You knew what Luther was going to say before he said anything.

“Like the way he died.”

“And here we go,” Diego muttered.

“I don’t understand. I thought they said it was a heart attack,” Vanya said, confusion evident in her voice.

“Yeah according to the coroner.”

“Well wouldn’t they know?” You hated to agree with Vanya, but you had to.

“Luther thinks that there was foul play,” you explained. “However, there was no sign of forced entry and no sign of a struggle.”

“Well, Y/N is an FBI agent. Why don’t you trust her?” Allison asked Luther.

“Look, I’m just saying something happened. The last time I talked to Dad, he sounded strange.”

“Oh, quelle surprise,” Klaus interjected as he gurgled his drink. That wouldn’t help Luther’s anger.

“Strange how?” Allison asked.

“He sounded on edge,” Luther explained. “Told me I should be careful who to trust.”

“Luther, he was a paranoid, bitter old man, who was starting to lose what was left of his marbles.” Of course, Luther defended your father before turning to Klaus.

“Look, I know you don’t like to do it, but I need you to talk to Dad.”

Klaus laughed. “No I can’t. I’m not in the right frame of mind.”

“You’re high?” You didn’t know how Allison was surprised. It was obvious.

“Then there’s the issue of the missing monocle.”

“Who cares about a stupid monocle, Luther?” you groaned. You noticed the way Diego’s face shifted for a second. So he had the monocle. Or he at least knew what happened to it. “No one is going to break in without alerting Mom or Pogo, kill Dad and make it look an accident, then take the stupid monocle. No one that smart would be that dumb.”

“Exactly! It’s worthless. Whoever took it, I think it was personal. Someone with a grudge.”

“Where are you going with this?”

You shook your head as Diego said what you were thinking. “Isn’t it obvious, Klaus? He thinks one of us killed Dad.” The stunned faces of your siblings looked at Luther. You shook your head in disgust.

“Way to lead, Luther,” you said sarcastically. Allison and Vanya both got up and left the room.

“Can you blame me? I mean, you’ve never tried to hide how much you hate Dad. And Diego’s some sort of vigilante now. Both of you could easily sneak in and kill him.”

“You’re crazy, man. You’re crazy.” Klaus shook his head as he got up and headed back to the bar.

“I can’t believe you, Luther.”

“Do us all a favor and go back to the moon, monkey boy.” Luther’s eyes widened at my words before his face turned red with anger.

“Get out of my head,” he growled.

“I don’t need to be in your head to figure it out. Besides, your brain is so empty that your thoughts come floating out begging to be heard.”

“Neither of you are denying it,” Luther said finally. You threw your hands up and Diego stood up suddenly.

“Why would either of us decide to kill Dad now. What’s the trigger? It doesn't make sense. Unlike you, Luther, we moved on with our lives,” you explained slowly, like he was a child.

“Don’t talk down to me just because you’re an FBI agent.”

“You think there’s a murder. I catch serial killers. You should be begging for my help.”

“Unless he thinks the two of us teamed up to kill Dad,” Diego said. The two of you turned to look at Luther. He at least had the decency to look a little ashamed that he was thinking that exact thing. At that point, everyone’s voices had risen so much that you barely noticed the knock at the door.

“I’m out of here,” Diego said softly when Luther didn’t respond.

“No you’re not. Not until we figure out what happened.” Luther grabbed Diego’s arm, so Diego, of course, punched Luther in the face. Within a few seconds, they were fighting in earnest. Diego had his knives out and everything.

“Oh, you guys, don’t do this now,” Klaus whined from the bar. “Y/N, will you do something? Take away their sight or something. I’m too sober for this.”

You hadn’t used your powers in years. Ideally, Allison would come in and rumor them to stop, but you didn’t know where she had gone. Taking a deep breath, you focused your consciousness like your father had taught you. You were careful to only enter Diego’s and Luther’s minds, leaving Klaus out of it.

Darkness.

You focused on darkness, blocking out everything that your brothers were seeing. You could do this. You could control it, at least until Allison was back. Of course, being unable to see didn’t stop your brothers from blundering around.

“Y/N, stop!” Luther’s words were accompanied by a sharp blow to the back of your head. “Oh no, Y/N, I didn’t know you were right there. I can’t see anything. Just stop this, Y/N.”

“I’m just trying to stop you two from destroying the house. Besides, isn’t this a great way to honor Dad’s memory? Fighting with each other is what he always made us do.” You tried to stand back up, but your head was spinning from the blow and from the strain. There was once a time when you could hold ten people in the darkness with ease, but you weren’t used to using your powers anymore. You no longer had to spend hours each day inside other people’s minds. You could feel your control slipping, but you couldn’t stop. Your head hurt.

“Y/N!” Klaus yelled in terror. “I can’t see, Y/N.”

You had to stop. You had to stop. You couldn’t. Your head hurt and you couldn’t seem to find a way out of their minds. You were aware of other minds in the house. More than there should be. But why? And why did your head hurt so bad?

“Y/N, what are you doing? Ahhh my head!” Diego yelled. He sounded like he was in pain. You were making him feel your pain. Since when could you do that? Your Dad would have been so happy.

“I heard a rumor that you stopped.” Allison’s voice rang out. Suddenly, you were back in your own head and the splitting headache was just yours. Diego and Luther both collapsed on the floor with you. Klaus was by your side almost instantly, a new glass in hand for you, which you gulped down quickly before handing it back to him for a refill.

“Remind me not to mess with Y/N again,” Diego sighed. You met his eyes with an apologetic smile. It felt so much like you were kids who got a little carried away during training.

“I guess I got a little carried away.” The two of you laughed, and even Luther joined in eventually. The laughter stopped abruptly when a new voice spoke.

“Y/N?”

[taliaquinn]

Why Me!? Chapter 19

Authors Note:                                                                                            Hiya peeps and geeks, I finally published chapter 19. I hope you Peeps like it. Dont forget to reblog, comment and like!! (They make me happy)

“Think about it, why would she want to talk to you,” Chloe mumbled struggling to shake off the sleepiness “Right now she only sees you as the boy who refused to stand up for her, Against the girl that threatened her in the bathroom”. 

Adrien was silent at the other end of the phone. “She told you about Lila threatening her in the bathroom?” Nonono. That was the worst thing that could happen. Now rumors are going to spread.

Chloe could only scoff in response. She knew exactly what Adrien was worrying about.

“Pfft uh yeah, Mari told us everything, gotta say Adrien I wasn't that surprised when she told us, Kagami on the other hand….”

“SHE TOLD KAGAMI!?!?!?” Adrien shouted upset. Upset at Marinette for telling everyone, even Kagami. He’s noticed that Kagamis been blowing him off and sometimes even downright refusing to talk to him at social events they both attend. 

Marinette told Kagami and Chloe everything about Lila, Adrien, and Alya when she called them a week ago. Chloe's heart broke at hearing the girl sob. Kagami was enraged, in fact, that was what spurred her into starting to plot revenge. Karma would wreak havoc on everyone who dared hurt the bluenette

“Yes Adrien Kagami Knows and before you go off and get all flustered, No we haven't spread rumors or told anyone. At Marinette's insistence." She spat. Adrien didn't deserve to be protected. But poor Marinette still refused to take any drastic actions.

“Thank you, Chloe” The Model still had the nerve to thank her and ignore Marinette's kind act. She's had enough. Sitting up straighter in bed Chloe opened her laptop and started typing an email to Marinette.

“You know who else she’s been helping Adrikins?” she said in a honey-laced voice, sickeningly sweet. 

This familiar voice caused a sense of growing dread in Adrien's stomach. He wasn't talking to P. M Chloe aka “Post Marinette” Chloe anymore, he was talking to the old Chloe Bourgeois, and Plagg help him if he somehow pissed her off. Swallowing down the sense of dread he asked.

“Who?”

“Nino, you remember him right? The guy you claimed was your best friend? But then again you turned your back on him, that seems to be a trend with you these days”

Nino. Of course, he remembered about Nino. Nino called him tearfully seeking comfort from his best friend after his breakup with Alya. Adrien could only weakly offer some comfort. HEY! He was dealing with his own stuff. Ladybug stole Plagg from him. He wasn’t Chat Noir anymore. Also, he didn't want to get dragged into the conflict. Plus he thought that Nino was overreacting. Alya deserved a second chance. Right?

“W-we’re still best friends” he stuttered out. Nino has Marinette's number!? That's great he can get her number from him!!!!

“Hmmph yeah sure whatever helps you sleep at night.” Chloe had the right to speak her mind. She was tired and grumpy. A deadly combination. If she had eye bags in the morning because of him she was going to block the boy,

 “I'm beginning to think that you’re new bestie is Lila” she mentioned

“That's ridiculous, we're just friends”

Chloe scoffed. “Your standards for friends are ridiculously low. But whatever apparently sleazy Liars are your type”

Adrien was starting to get upset at all these sly remarks he was getting from Chloe. He called her for comfort. Who did she think she was? If he wanted sly comments he would have called Marinette, but he still didn't have her number. Wait a minute. She's been talking to Nino!!! He could just call Nino and get her Number from him!!! He didn't need Chloe! 

“Fine Chloe, you know what? turns out I don’t even need your help anymore,” He said smug, happy to have the upper hand. To be honest he half expected Chloe to beg him to not hang up on her.

“Why even bother calling me then?” that....was not the response he was expecting. Fine, it was probably all an act.

“I needed Marinette's number but then I realized that my bro Nino probably has it, so yeah I don’t need your help”

“But he b-” Ha now she was going to beg him not to hang upon him. Well, he wasn't going to give her the chance. 

“Goodbye Chloe” 

Hanging up he quickly tried to call Nino. After only receiving a dial tone, he shot him a few texts, expecting Nino to respond quickly. He always has.

After receiving none Adrien couldn’t help but be slightly annoyed. Nino probably forgot to charge his phone due to him still being sad over the breakup. This is why Adrien needs to convince Nino to get back together with Alya. He was a mess without her! His phone suddenly binged. Quickly checking, he was disappointed to see it was Chloe. Probably to try and get back on his good side. Ha.

Queen Bee: Nino told me to tell you that he is uh not in “The mood to deal with you and your b.s” tonight.

What!? No Chloe was obviously lying in some weird attempt at getting Payback. Adrien NEEDED to talk to Nino right now because Adrien was going to the states for some gala for the weekend! 

Adrikins: Chloe stop fooling around

Queen Bee: Trust me I'm not kidding around, I'm here trying to get some sleep and instead I'm serving as Nino's secretary apparently

Queen Bee: Leave him alone, if you had listened to me earlier you would have realized that Nino added your number to a nice Lil ol place known as the ~block list~

Adrikins: CHLOE YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM PLEASE DON'T LET HIM DO IT.

Queen Bee: hmmm let me think about it

At that Adrien let out a sigh of Relief, Chloe will talk some sense into Nino and everything will be back to normal between him and Nino. Even Marinette once he got her number from Nino!!

Queen Bee: I thought about it

Hope bloomed in Adrien's Chest, everything is finally going to be back to normal again!!

Queen Bee: N o

Queen Bee: You’re getting muted for the rest of the night, consider that payback for waking me up so early, I have a trip this weekend. I need all my beauty sleep, you should consider learning about it

Wait a minute if she is going where Adrien thinks she is then there's hope for him after all!!!

Queen Bee: Toodles~

Adrikins: Wait a minute where are you going this weekend

Queen Bee: None of your business

Wayne Manor                                                                                        Gotham, USA                                                                                                8:00 a.m

“Marinette, I’m just happy you managed to leave that toxic situation before it got worse,” Dick said as he engulfed Marinette in a hug, although not as strong since his ribs were still in pain. Dick slightly grimaced in anticipation of the humongous lecture he was going to get from Bruce later.

“Trust him, Mari, here in Gotham I always see..” Jason trailed off at Dicks pointed look “I mean WE always see....uh in the news how those situations escalate quickly," Yowch talk about a blunder. He still needed to get used to having a sibling who wasnt involved in the nightly adventures. "only not everyone is lucky enough to have Batman swoop in and save the day” Jason quickly added. He threw a prayer of thanks that his adorable baby sister was now safe in Gotham, well as safe as Gotham gets anyways.

Dick racked his brain looking for something to cheer up his little sister in his arms. For once his big brother instincts were being slightly overwhelmed. All of his siblings have gone through awful stuff. This isn't the first, and he doubts it's going to be the last time that he's been there to comfort one of his siblings, or friends for god's sake.  

“Wait!!! Dick, doesn't Bruce have that trip in a few days?” Jason piped up.

Oh, Crap. Dick almost forgot about that. Oh god, he couldn’t possibly subject Mari to that disaster….on the other hand it WOULD be a good distraction for her. Hmmm. 

“Fine, Mari, pack your bags, You’re not even going to school yet so you won't miss anything,” Dick announced.

“Pack my bags?” Marinette couldn't help but get a bad feeling at the sight of Dicks smirk.

“Yeah no, you’re right. Don't pack your bags make your dad pay for new clothes.” Jason teased. It's what he always did. Billionaire Brucie wouldn't even gawk at the price of a new pair of jeans. Heck, He was paying for his New Truck!!! 

“Wait where are we even going?” She asked slightly disturbed at the sight of Dicks growing grin.

“New York City”

Authors Message:                                                                                        I hope you guys enjoyed todays chaoter. Next chapter some new characters are going to enter the fray. Can you take a guess as to who they may be ;)                                                                                           Also Happy Belated Birthday to Our Beloved Timothy Jackson Drake  Fun fact I was listening to Hamilton was writing this chapter and its given me the idea to possibly create a Hamilton AU involving the Batfam and slight Adrinette, What do you guys think?

Taglist:

@purplesundaze @silvergold-swirl @k-poplunardreams @pepelachanel @laurcad123 @maribat-is-lifeblood @kass-is-weird @another-fan-of-anotherplan @damianette-is-life @amayakans @parallelparabox @miukiiu @valeks-princess @toodaloo-kangaroo @vixen-uchiha @thezestywalru @dreamykitty25 @pirats-pizzacanninibles @mochinek0 @shamefullove @mochegato @souleateralicestein @thestressmademedoit @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @aestheticnpoetic @mysupporthyperfixations @itsmeevie01

[obxdrewseph]

Hard to Love - Rafe Cameron

Description: Pushing away people came easy to you. You pushed away your friends when they urged you to get out more and you pushed away your family when they urged you to eat more. You felt like a burden to everyone and you didn’t want that. You were hard to love with your harsh attitude and pickiness. Once Rafe Cameron, your new friend and classmate, tries to convince you to give him a chance, you wonder what it would mean to be a girlfriend-- someone who gives love and receives it... you wonder: are you even capable of being loved? 

so this is sort of a continuation of High Maintenance, but also can be read as a standalone? I thought it would be interesting to explore the romantic relationship that didn’t get to develop in that fic ... so here ya go! :D

--------

Being your friend was hard, but being your boyfriend was much harder (not that you had one yet, just for future reference). 

Being your friend was hard because you cancelled plans last minute because of chronic pain/aching or because you were going through a depressive episode that made you unable to socialize. 

No one talks about the mental side of physical pain. 

Trust me, you wouldn’t be nice either if you were hungry half of the day and in pain the other half. 

You didn’t want your diet to define you, yet it was like you revolved your entire life around your meal times. 

You pushed your friends away who wouldn’t do enough research on your condition. You obviously didn’t expect them to look up everything about it, but when they gave you food you couldn’t eat or asked you to go on hikes you couldn’t trek without feeling dizzy (or even fainting), you couldn’t help but distance yourself. 

You didn’t want to share all your negativity with them; they didn’t deserve that. 

You were used to being the rock of your group; not exactly the mom friend, but the happy, funny friend everyone went to for a laugh or to have fun. You weren’t the one with problems. You didn’t get to be that person. 

You didn’t want to be that person. 

“I’m a fucking idiot!” You shouted at no one in particular.

“We know!” 

You glared at the girl standing in the hallway who happened to be your best friend and your house mate. You and 3 other girls decided to stay in apartment together for your freshman year and you never regretted your decision. You could never live in the dorms with people making noise all day and night. 

You were already agitated all the time. 

“Go away, Ames.” 

The girl sighed. 

“I made some rice krispies. Do you want some?” 

Yes.

“No. I’m not hungry.” 

That was a lie. 

“Ok, well then why are you so upset today?” 

You paused, wondering if you should confide in her. Despite you guys being best friends, you never truly felt like you could confide in anyone. It was a fucking miracle that you spilled so much to Rafe Cameron, a boy you never thought would become one of your best friends. You honestly thought he would leave you the second you got off that wooden bench, yet you two hang out all the time.

You decided to give her a lighthearted version of what you were feeling.

“I’m not it’s just... random question: am I high maintenance?” You asked finally.

The girl snorted. 

“Yeah, everyone knows that.” 

Your heart sank. You were starting to hate that joke. You knew you had a lot of dietary restrictions and people had to work around what you ate, and before you didn’t mind that, but now you hated when people did that for you. 

You just wanted people to stop asking you out to eat or asking you to hang out. You just wanted people to leave you alone. 

“Fuck you.” You said laughing, it was fake. But she didn’t need to know that.

“Whatever, is that all you wanted to ask?” 

“Nope, I wanted to ask are you still having your bachorlette party next Saturday?”

“Yup, you better be there! No ditching me for whoever old lady author you wanted to see.”

You bristled at her harsh tone and flinched when she slammed your door shut so that you couldn’t argue with her. 

You heard her soft footsteps fade away which allowed you to slip back into your negative feelings. 

All you could think about is that if your best friend didn’t even want to deal with you or fully understand you, how could anyone else? 

---------

“Hello~ Earth to y/n?”

A black line skitted across your face, snapping you out of your trance. You swatted at the pencil floating in front of your face with an angry look.

You were currently in the library, working hard on your essay that seemed like it would never end.

“What do you want?” You snapped.

You were in the middle of focusing your attention on a small dot at the back of the room. You did this to try to take your attention off of the discomfort in your stomach. You wouldn’t exactly call it pain, but it didn’t feel great.

The poor boy’s eyes drooped at your anger.

“Um, sorry you just were spacing out.”

“Well, don’t interrupt my space outs.”

“Got it.”

Why were you being so mean? You never were like this before you got diagnosed. You were so irritable all the time and felt anger build up in you faster than expected.

It wasn’t fair to the boy sitting across from you.

Rafe Cameron.

The boy was dedicated, you could give him that.

You didn’t expect much from the obviously Southern boy who sat next to you in a Shakespeare class. You felt like you were sitting on pins and needles until Rafe started talking to you; you didn’t know why you took a male-dominant class. You weren’t used to talking to guys so often, but you wanted to push yourself. Get out of your comfort zone you embraced so much in high school.

After he apologized for being a dick about eating standards, you easily started to fall for him a bit more.

But that didn’t matter.

His feelings wouldn’t last.

They never did.

“Um, are you okay?” Rafe finally said. You wanted to snap at him once again, but when you saw his concerned blue eyes, you lost your bite. 

You forced a smile. “I’m fine, just a bit tired.” If you had a nickel for every time you gave that excuse, you’d be a billionaire.

“Oh, then we should finish here.”

“No!”

You said abruptly. He lifted a brow.

“No?”

When he saw your face turn a soft pink color, his eyes lit up and he softly bit his lip. He knew what he did to you.

“Um... no, it’s ok. I can still study. I’m ... I’m mostly just upset because I wanted to go to this book signing that’s like a week from now, but I have to go to my friend’s bachelorette party. I really love this author, but I won’t get to see her and she rarely goes on tour... But it’s fine, I’ll get over it and studying helps me keep my mind off things.” You shrugged. 

Yes, your friends were getting married that young. You simultaneously loved and hated your friends. You seemed to always be dropping things you loved for them, but you knew they wouldn’t do the same for you. 

Your friends were great to live with, harder to be friends with. Plus, two were avid bakers and another was an aspiring chef. You hated all of the temptations of their baked goods. 

He laughed at your nerdy confession which rubbed you the wrong way. He stopped laughing when he saw your dark expression.

“Sorry, I was only laughing because I totally get that. There are some authors that just leave an impact on you and you would die to meet them. And plus, those parties are lame. All they do is drink and drink and drink, which you can’t do because it’s not on the low fodmap diet.” 

Well, boy definitely did his research. 

“Exactly! Finally, someone who understands.” You turned your head away so he wouldn’t see you blush-- it wasn’t because you were shy, but it always happened when you got excited about something. 

He nodded and saw your head wobble. A sharp pain fluttered through your head. You probably needed to eat something. 

“Are you... hungry?” The boy said hesitantly.

This got you in the mood to be mean again.

“No, I’ll tell you when I get hungry, Rafe.”

The bite in his words made him move away from you. You hated this. You wanted someone to comfort you, but you pushed everyone away.

Self-sabotage was your middle name.

--------

You felt a warm hand softly tap your shoulder. 

“Library closes in less than 10 minutes.” Rafe whispered to you. 

Shit, I fell asleep. 

You lifted your head and saw the once full library empty out. 

“Shit. I fell asleep.” You said your thoughts. 

Rafe chuckled. God, you loved his laugh so much.

“Yeah, I know. You look cute when you sleep.” 

You smiled, but can’t believe you fell asleep in public. You weren’t the type to let your guard down so easily. When did you get this tired? When did you become this weak?

You felt your stomach rumble silently, signaling your hunger. 

“Um, do you wanna get out of here and get some food?” 

You began to say no, but he stopped you.

“Ok, let me ask that once again, do you want to get out of here and I can cook you food?” 

You felt anxiety build up in your chest. You never trusted other people to cook for you. You had this irrational fear that people would deliberately try to sabotage your meals, but truly people just didn’t know what you can and can’t eat. 

“Uh... you know.”

“Yes, I know, strict diet. I’ll look it all up to be safe.” 

You were going to say no, but you wanted this so badly. You just wanted to hang out with a really cute and nice guy without feeling abnormal. It was almost 11pm, but you weren’t going to pass up the chance to hang out with him.

“Ok, take me to your place.”

-------

His apartment was dark and organized. You tried not to laugh at the display of books on the ground... you definitely needed to get him a bookshelf. 

“Do the books feel better on the ground or something?” You teased. 

“Yup, they need their sleep too.” 

He nudged you on the shoulder to let you know he was joking. 

“Oh, and watch the hiking supplies. I went last weekend and haven’t had time to clean it up since I’m going on Sunday again.” 

Hiking... 

“You like to hike?” 

The boy nodded, his face brightening. “Yup, I’m an outdoorsy kind of guy. Love hiking, going to the beach, sports, all that jazz.” 

You nodded, not relating to any of that. 

You looked around, but realized there were only two doors, and one leading to the bathroom. 

“Oh, you live alone?” 

You fiddled with the hem of your shirt nervously.

“Yeah... is that ok?” He asked softly. 

Yes, yes, it’s more than ok.

“Of course! It’s just I don’t know many sophomores who live alone.” 

What you meant to say is you didn’t know many sophomores who could afford to live alone. JJ always joked about Rafe being rich, but you weren’t aware of the extent of his wallet. 

He chuckled. “Yeah well, it’s easier to focus on my studies this way. No distractions.” 

You nodded. You would live alone if you could afford it. 

“Got it. Perfect for the ladies too, right?” You winked. 

Rafe choke on air. You enjoyed flustering the usually confident Mr. Cameron. 

“God, um, I don’t know how to respond to that.” 

You shrugged. “Can’t deny the facts.” 

He gave you a gentle look. “Y/n, you’re the first girl I’ve had in here since my last girlfriend.” Your jaw dropped.

“Really? You haven’t had a single girl in here for... a month?” 

“Unless you count my little sister, then yup.” 

“How does a guy as hot as you not bring a single lady friend here for over a month?” He let out a strangled laugh.

“You think I’m hot?” 

“I know you’re hot. And you know you’re hot.” 

The pink blush that formed on his face made you want to run over and kiss his cheeks. 

But friends didn’t do that. 

“Well, I guess... I guess I’ve been waiting for the special girl to come along.” 

He gave you a look you couldn’t quite decipher. 

“Yes, I’m the most special girl in your life, right?” You teased, trying to be nonchalant about the tension in the room. 

He just smiled at you. 

“So! What are you cooking?” You said, changing the subject. 

This distracted him. “Well, I have leftovers from yesterday... I have rice noodles with chicken broth--”

“Um, I can’t eat pre-made chicken broth.” You interrupted before he could get too excited. Thankfully, you hadn’t gotten your hopes up about eating much at his place. People could rarely accommodate to your needs. 

“Oh don’t worry, I made the chicken stock last night with... a real chicken. So it’s not out of a box.” He opened his fridge and you saw a cooked chicken that was sitting there. “See?” 

You paused and evaluated the situation. 

“So... you made chicken pho?” You said blankly. 

He blushed. “Yeah, yeah I did.” 

You thought back to that night. That night when you confessed to him your deepest and insecurities. 

You yelled at him about how you basically only ate Asian food exclusively. 

“Did... Rafe... Ok, if I didn’t know any better, I would say that you expected me to come over today. Unless you just happened to have IBS friendly food.” 

You were joking, well half-joking. You guys always met on Thursday nights to study, so he knew you would be hanging out then. You hated the excitement and fondness filling in your chest; it would be only a matter of time before you pushed him away. Or until he left. Whichever came first.

His face was red now. “Um, I may have anticipated it.” 

Oh God, your heart was so full right now. You didn’t even want the food anymore, you just wanted him. 

But he had put great effort into this. You had to eat it.

“Thank you.” You whispered. 

He shrugged off your words. “It’s no biggie, I know I see you Thursdays and we always study pretty late.” 

You set the table while he dipped the noodles in water to cook them. He made two bowls, one being larger than the other. He remembered that you rarely ate big meals. 

As soon as he set your food down, you realized he had to watch you eat. And you had to make conversation while eating. You hated talking and eating. 

And you got a lot of gas while you ate. Shit. This was a bad idea. 

You pushed those thoughts aside and took a sip of the soup. 

It was amazing. 

“This is really good.” 

He smiled widely. “Thanks, I tried my best.” 

Thankfully, you didn’t have to talk much while you ate. The TV served as a good distraction to that. When you finished your bowl, you waited for the pain to hit you. You felt your stomach gurgle around and you clenched your fists to avoid the pain. 

You had good and bad stomach days. Some days you could go the whole day without feeling any pain, but then you had days where you ate any food and felt a mild discomfort and had to lay in bed. 

You felt a mild discomfort, but it faded quickly enough. Thank God, a good stomach day.

After you both finished eating, Drew put both the bowls in the sink. You tried to do the dishes, but he wouldn’t let you. 

“Thanks for the meal again.” You said, anxious to leave.

It wasn’t eating that was the worst part of IBS, it was the anxiety afterwards. You were always nervous that your stomach would flare up hours after you eating, which it sometimes did if you ate something not IBS friendly. 

“You’re always welcome here.” 

You checked your phone. “Um, it’s getting late. I should go.” You turned to leave, but he caught your wrist softly. 

“Wait, y/n.” 

You stopped and turned to face him. He looked nervous as he was still holding your hand gently. 

“Yeah?” You tried to say casually, but you were now extremely anxious for a reason besides food.

He let go of your wrist to brush his fingers through his hair. You loved his messy hair. 

“Um, ok, well... ok I’m just gonna say it.”

“Say it then.” You said out of habit. He glared at you, but you knew he didn’t mean it.

“Fine, well, you’re... you’re really fun to hang out with. Do you want to... go out with me sometime?” 

“We go out together all the time.” You said stupidly. 

He let out a strangled laugh. “Yeah but... like ... as a date.” 

Your heart stopped. 

“A date.” 

“Yes, a date, if you want.” 

A date? What could you both possible do on a date? You hated eating at restaurants, you can’t go hiking or backpacking because who knew when your symptoms would pop in and you were stuck on a mountain with no bathrooms and nowhere to sit. Not to mention, you didn’t eat much so you got lightheaded easily. You weren’t compatible. You would just be a burden to him. 

“y/n?” You almost forgot you were in the middle of a conversation.

You looked up at his pretty blue eyes that were full of hope. You couldn’t do this to him. You couldn’t hold him back like that.

“I... I’m sorry, Rafe... I can’t.” His face fell. “You’re an awesome guy, I swear to God you’re the best guy I’ve ever met. But... you just... we’re just... we’re just different.” 

That was a cop out answer and you knew it. 

“Different.” He echoed. 

You nodded. 

He paused, like he was wondering whether to keep talking to you or just kick you out. You wouldn’t blame him if he chose the latter. 

He then laughed bitterly. 

“That’s bullshit, y/n and you know it.” 

His harsh answer stunned you.

“What are you talking about?” You bristled. Now you were irritated.

“Oh, c’mon, you know I like you, and I know you like me. You can’t ignore what we have.” 

“We’re just friends, Rafe. Just friends.” 

“But I want more.” He said sadly. 

You were on the brink of tears too. 

“I do too.” You blurt. 

“Then why-”

“Because Rafe! You want to go out and do things. You want to treat your girlfriend like a princess-- you’ve said that to me before. And you just can’t do that for me because it’s not possible.

He scoffed. “What do you mean by that? You think you’re undeserving of love? Are you trying to say ‘it’s not you, it’s me’?” He was angry, and he had a right to be. You were running him in circles and you felt bad. 

“That’s not it! I just--” You felt your legs becoming weak, you could never stand for too long, especially in a heated conversation like this. 

“Y/n? Do you need to sit down?” 

You nodded as he was already guiding you to his couch. 

“Finish what you were saying earlier.” He said softly. God, you hated how kind he was to you even during an argument. You were trying to push him away!

“Right, well, I don’t think I’m undeserving of love, but it’s too hard to love me.” 

“What does that even mean?”

“It means, you don’t know how to love me! You can’t take me on dates-- I hate eating at restaurants which is a normal date, so you can cross that off your list of fancy dinners or whatever. I can’t go hiking because what if my stomach starts to hurt on the mountain? And you just fucking saw me getting woozy standing and talking for you too long while arguing. I’ll just be a burden to you.” 

He grabbed my hands and forced me to look at him. 

“Listen to me. You will never, ever, be a burden to me. Got that?” 

His voice was low and pained, like it hurt him for you to think about yourself like that. You didn’t need his pity so you pulled away from his hands.

“You don’t deserve someone who can’t do all the things you love.” 

“Relationships are all about compromise, y/n. I can do those things with my friends.” 

You shook your head.

“Rafe, you’re a great guy. Too good if I might add. And I’m so picky about everything. When I’m mad at you one day and you want to make it up to me, you can’t buy me chocolates or ice cream or whatever. For anniversaries, you can’t just take me out to a fancy restaurant. There might be a day where you run out of tricks and you’ll realize how hard it is to love me.” You laughed bitterly. 

“I can learn what makes you feel good. I can learn how to love you--”

“You can’t learn how to love me! I don’t even know how to love myself!” You shouted. 

A deafening silence washed over the room. 

I don’t even know how to love myself.

The honesty in your own answer made you cry.

How could anyone love you when didn’t even know how to love yourself? You didn’t even know how to make yourself happy. You didn’t know how to spoil yourself. You lived your life just to get by. 

How sad. 

“I’m sorry Rafe, I just can’t do this.”

This time, he just nodded. 

He’d already given up.

----------

Around two weeks had gone by since Rafe asked you out and you embarrassed yourself. You had never been the type to be so negative or so insecure. You hated what you had become. 

You hated how you felt some sort of relief when Rafe let you go. He grabbed you an uber and you went home. 

You both were ignoring the obvious conversation that needed to happen, but it was better this way. You were back to being the chatty girl in his English class and he was back to being the guy who laughed at all of your jokes. Normal. Everything was back to normal. 

“Sup, y/n, how’s it goin’?” 

You tried not to look surprised as JJ Maybank said hi to you. 

You two weren’t exactly friends, but you were friendly to one another. Yes, he could be a dick sometimes, but he was clueless about it.

“Oh hey, it’s going good so far. How about you?” 

“He and his ‘girlfriend’ got into a fight yesterday and needs advice.” Pope blurted. You tried not to laugh at the bluntness of his friend. 

JJ hit the boy. “Dude!”

“Hey, she was going to figure it out soon enough. You can’t shut up about it.” Their banter was always fun to watch. 

“What are you guys talking about?” Rafe asked when he sat down. 

“JJ got into a fight with his ‘girlfriend’”. You made sure to use the same air quotes like Pope. 

“Yes, thank you for embarrassing me further.” You shrugged. 

“It’s not like Rafe knows her.” 

JJ sighed and adjusted his hat to hide his tired face. 

You grew soft on the poor guy. “What kind of advice do you need, JJ?” 

JJ looked at you with sad eyes, but hopped right into his story. 

“Well, so this girl I’m into, she’s this big city girl. Grew up in Los Angeles, and you know me, I grew up in a small town in Alaska. We’re just so... different. She likes doing all this city girl stuff like going to the malls and just walking around a crowded town which is so different from me who didn’t even have a big mall where I was at and you could walk miles without running into another person. 

“I just don’t know how to keep up with her all the time... and she’s rich so she has to go to these fancy events. She told me I had to dress up if I wanted to meet her parents. 

“And she doesn’t like to be on the water ‘cause she gets seasick. And I practically lived on the water when I was in Alaska! What should I do?”

You paused, taking in his situation. 

You heard Rafe scoff. 

“Dude, it’s fucking obvious. Man the fuck up and buy better clothes and learn how to hold all of her shopping bags. Isn’t it obvious?” 

JJ nodded, like this made sense.

You nudged Rafe harshly. “What are you talking about? JJ, you guys sound really different, you have to ask yourself: do I like how I have to change myself to be with her? Am I ok with that? Am I ok with sacrificing things I love to be with this girl?” 

JJ nodded, soaking in your words. 

“Relationships are about compromise.” You rolled your eyes at these familiar words. “If you really like her, you are going to be willing to change.” 

“You shouldn’t have to change for someone else.” 

“Everyone should change, it’s good for the soul. Staying static is boring.” 

“Guys, guys,” JJ stopped you and Rafe. 

“Ok, I get both points. But, I do really like her. I’ve been pining after her for a while now and... and I don’t know, I just want to win her heart over. She’s already starting to push me away because she also doesn’t want me to change who I am. But I’m willing to put in the extra effort.”

“See? Putting in extra effort to impress the girl he likes, that’s what you should do.” Rafe commented. 

You grit your teeth. 

“I agree, JJ, you should always try to be better in a relationship. If she’s pushing you away because of her own fears, that only means you need to work harder.” Pope noted. 

“Or maybe she’s right, maybe you shouldn’t push people to make them feel like a burden to you. Maybe she just wants the best for you because she obviously knows you very well!”

“Maybe he wants to challenge himself because he wants her to feel safe and comfortable around him!” Rafe raised his voice. 

“Maybe he just wants to do that because of his ego.” You said with an equally angry tone. 

“Or maybe he wants to do that because he loves her!” Rafe slammed his hands on the desk and suddenly the room was silent. 

“Um... are you guys good?” JJ whispered, his problems now forgotten. 

--------

Because he loves her.

Loves her.

Love. 

Was Rafe still talking about the hypothetical JJ in this situation or was he talking about himself? 

Because you knew you were talking about yourself. 

Was he doing the same? 

You sprinted out of that classroom once your professor dismissed you. 

“Y/n, wait.” 

You paused outside the door. If you left, it would make you look mighty suspicious. If you stayed, then you could pretend everything was ok and that the “argument” you just had wasn’t about yourselves. 

You decided to make a run for it.

Unfortunately, Rafe jumped in front of you before you could leave. 

“Y/n, please. Talk to me.” 

“What? There’s nothing to talk about. JJ can make his own decisions. What a handful of a girl, right?” You tried to step around him, but Rafe kept blocking you. “Move-”

“We need to talk and I have a class soon. Meet me at my apartment when your classes end, ok?” 

You hesitated, but the desperation in his eyes made it hard for you to say no. 

“Ok.”

-------

Rafe’s apartment wasn’t too far of a walk from campus, plus you took the bus for part of the way. You secretly ate a bowl of rice with beef and broccoli before going just in case he didn’t have any more pho left at his apartment. 

You felt your heart beating out of control as you plucked up the courage to knock on his door.

“C’mon, you can do this.” You whispered to yourself. You raised your hand to knock, but the door flung open. 

Rafe had been back for a while since he was a morning person and finished his classes before noon. You on the other hand, finished classes at 5pm. No hate in the game, this was college. 

You took in his appearance and looked him up and down. 

He was wearing gray sweatpants with a white tank top and a red flannel over it. He looked too good right now for being casual. Fuck. 

You gulped. “Hey.” 

He gave you a tight smile. “Hey.”

You both stood there awkwardly. 

“Can I come in?”

“Oh shit, yeah, of course.” 

As you stepped into the well-lit apartment, you noticed he was sweaty; it seemed like he just got done with working out. All you wanted to do was to take off that flannel and see what he was hiding underneath. 

“Did you just come from the gym?” You asked nonchalantly. 

He raised a brow at your random question, but nodded. “Yup.”

You both stood in silence for a hot minute, the tension filling the air. You noticed his eyes trailing down your body; you knew you wore tighter clothes up top to try and impress the boy. You didn’t think it would work... but it did. 

“Oh fuck it.” You spat. His eyes grew confused at your sudden outburst, but when you took 3 large steps and grabbed his face, they widened.

“Can I kiss you?” You whispered.

“Please.”

And then you kissed him. 

His lips were soft, but his hands were rough on your body. He pulled you close enough so that your chests touched, making you groan at the contact. He deepened the kiss, teasing you with his tongue. 

“Rafe,” you chanted. You didn’t know what you were asking for, you just wanted him. 

He smiled, moving to kiss you all over your face and your neck. He smoothly pulled you into his bedroom. 

His bedroom was bare; only a bed sat in the middle and one desk to the side of it. You didn’t care, as long as there was a bed in there, that’s all that mattered.

Except you happened to miss a large box near the side of the bed that almost made you hit your head on the wooden floor. 

“Oops.” Rafe caught you before you fell.

“Sorry, I forgot to move those.”

Before he could move them out of sight, you noticed something familiar looking.

“Wait... are these--?”

“Wait-”

You picked up the box before he could stop you. You grew confused staring down at the object inside of it.

“Are these... what I think they are?” 

He ruffled his hair and nodded, trying to hide his red face. “Um, yeah. It’s... yeah.” He finished lamely.

You looked down and gently traced your fingers across the extravagant book covers. When you looked inside, they were all signed by your favorite author with a cute message. You felt tears well up in your eyes. 

“You went to the book signing.” You said numbly. 

He nodded hesitantly. He wasn’t sure how you would react. “I did...I wasn’t sure which book you liked from her so I got all 3.”

He played with the bottom of his flannel, anxiously waiting for your next move. 

You set the books down and pulled him in by his shirt. 

“Kiss me.” 

He paused, but only for a moment before he stripped off his flannel. 

Yes, finally.

He laughed. “You’ve been waiting for this to come off?” Shit, you said that out loud. 

He wasted no time pressing his lips to yours. You clung onto his neck, not being able to get close enough to him. Kissing was great, it was fantastic even. But you wanted more. You gently lifted your hips to meet his, rocking back and forth experimentally. 

He groaned at your movement. “Baby,” He whispered. 

You thought you would hate that pet name. 

You didn’t. 

“Yes?” You teased, planting little kisses on his neck, his collarbone, right under his ear. When he didn’t answer, you tugged him back down to you by his hair. 

You’re sure you had been making out for at least half an hour at this point when suddenly he lifted his head up. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” 

And you meant it. 

-------

You woke up in the morning with the best sleep you’ve had in years. You immediately turned to your side and saw Rafe still fast asleep. You saw his bare chest move up and down, up and down. It was hypnotic. 

You gently moved your fingers across his chest, soaking in the smoothness of it. The feeling of soft pleasure woke Rafe up. He smiled when he saw your mischievous look. 

“Good morning, gorgeous. How’re ya feelin’?” 

“Hmmm, alright.” 

He gently kissed your shoulder blade. What a tease.

“Only alright?” 

He tried to pull the blankets down to uncover your naked body, but it was the morning and you were still shy. 

You laughed at his attempts to turn you on. 

“Stop, Rafe, you horny ba-”

He then leaned in closely to you and whispered in your ear. 

“If I knew getting you books would get me laid, I would’ve done it years ago.” 

You laughed. 

“You didn’t know me years ago!” 

He gave you a crooked smile. 

“Plus, my love language is receiving gifts, so you got lucky.” 

He shrugged, but his eyes softened when he stared at you longer. 

He pulled you down for another soft kiss. You wanted more, but he pulled away before it could get too racy. 

“Told you I would learn how to love you.” 

[dlwritings]

Little Fall of Rain | Peter Parker

masterlist found here

pairing - Peter x reader word count - 2,828 warnings - ANGST ANGST ANGST A/N - I watched Les Mis yesterday and got way deep in my feels and decided to write this

summary - You love Peter so much, and when he falls for your best friend, you have a hard time handling it. Who knew so much could go wrong so fast?

“(Y/N)! Wait up!”

You closed your locker and looked down the hall to see Peter running over to you. You smiled as he accidentally bumped into someone, paused to help them pick up their things, and continued his jog in your direction. “Hey,” you said with a chuckle. “What’s up?”

“You’re pretty close to MJ, right?” he asked.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Yeah? I guess.”

“Do you know if she’s seeing anyone?” he asked. Your heart dropped a bit, but you maintained your poker face.

“I’m not sure,” you said. “I don’t think so.”

“Has she ever-” He hesitated. “Well, we’ve been talking a little more lately, and I, I kind of have a crush on her?” The tips of his ears turned pink, but despite the embarrassment, he kept talking. “I just can’t tell if she feels the same way about me.” He looked at you expectantly, but you just stared at him blankly. “Could you maybe ask her? Not obviously,” he quickly added. “Just, see if you can casually drop it into a conversation.”

“Seriously?” you said.

“I’d owe you big time,” he said. “Please, (Y/N)?”

You hated his fucking puppy dog eyes.

“Fine,” you said, giving him a tight smile. “Sure.”

“Ah, you’re the best!” he said, giving you a tight, eager hug. You relished in the feeling of his arms around you for a second before he let go and gave you a bright smile.

You and Peter had been good friends for a long time. Since elementary school. You developed a crush on him around middle school, and now you were seniors in high school, and the feelings were just as strong as ever.

And now he liked MJ? Your other best friend? And you were just supposed to accept that? You certainly couldn’t tell him how you felt, and you couldn’t just lash out at him or ignore his wishes. It wouldn’t be a big deal. MJ definitely didn’t like Peter, so once you let him down easy, you could be his shoulder to cry on.

“Peter likes me?” MJ asked, her face lighting up when you told her.

Okay, so maybe you had some things wrong.

“Yeah,” you said. “I know, it’s weird, right? I’ll just tell him you don’t-”

“No, no!” MJ said quickly. “No, I do. Like him, I mean. I like him. I have for a while. I just had no idea he felt the same! He’s so shy and awkward, you know?”

“Well, I mean, you’re a little awkward too,” you mumbled.

“Maybe that’s why our relationship would work,” she joked. You gave a half-hearted laugh, which MJ didn’t notice. “Will you talk to him for me?” she asked. You held back a sigh and just raised your eyebrows.

“And say what?” you asked.

“Just, I don’t know,” she said, suddenly a little bashful. “Tell him I like him. Maybe he’ll ask me out if he hears from you that I like him too.”

You groaned dramatically, knowing MJ wouldn’t think anything of it. “Fine.”

“Yes, you’re the best!” she said.

“Mhm,” you hummed. “I know.”

High school relationships rarely lasted. Sure, maybe Peter and MJ would go on one date, but it wouldn’t go anywhere. All you’d have to do in the end would be provide them both with shoulders to cry on.

“She doesn’t feel the same way. Sorry Pete.”

The lie rolled off your tongue, and there was no way you could take it back. Peter’s shoulders dropped, and you swallowed back the guilt creeping up your throat.

“Oh,” he said. “I guess that’s fine. Thanks for doing that for me.” The two of you were standing at your lockers, waiting for the bell to ring. “I think I’m, uh-” He hesitated as the bell chimed through the speakers. “I’m gonna head home. I’ve had a headache all day.”

“But you still have sixth and seventh pe-”

“I’ll see you later, okay?” he said. You nodded and watched him walk through the front doors of the school, skipping class like it didn’t matter at all. And that was so not like Peter Parker. Okay, so maybe you had broken his heart a little bit, but he’d heal.

After school that day, you headed home to the Barton’s house. You were an Avenger, and Clint was the one who had discovered you. He saw you kicking some mugger’s ass in an alley, and at first, you just appeared like a tough teenager. Then, you bolted from the scene in a blur of speed, and a wave of emotion hit him as he was reminded of Pietro. Instantly, he knew you were a hero worth pursuing. When he found out you were a homeless teenager, he wouldn’t have it. He brought you into his home when you were 14, and now three years later, you basically were a member of the family.

“I’m home,” you called when you opened the front door. You found Clint and Laura in the kitchen, and the kids were all sitting at the kitchen table eating their after-school snacks.

“Hi!” Nate called. You smiled and waved at him, then approached all three of them to give them high fives in greetings.

You fished through the cupboards for a mug to make something to drink, mumbling an, “Excuse me,” to Clint who was standing in front of the cupboard.

“You okay?” Laura asked, chuckling slightly. You sighed and leaned up against the kitchen counter.

“I think I did something stupid,” you said, folding your arms across your chest.

“You think?” Clint teased. You rolled your eyes. “Whoa,” he said, a slight frown growing on his face. “I didn’t even get a playful smile. This is serious.”

“Ugh,” you whined. “Can I have some tea?”

Laura laughed. “Of course. You two go in the living room and chat. I’ll bring you your drink when it’s ready.”

You thanked her and walked through the house to plop on the couch. When the kids were finished in the kitchen, they headed to their rooms to work on homework, so you and the two adults were alone.

“You know Peter,” you said. 

“Parker?” Clint clarified. You nodded.

“You’ve got a crush on him, right?” Laura asked, handing you your tea.

“Laura,” you whined.

Clint laughed. “You think we didn’t notice?”

“Ugh!” you said for the second time since you arrived at their house.

You spilled everything. You told them about how Peter liked MJ and MJ liked Peter but you convinced him she didn’t just because you were jealous and desperately in love with your best friend. “I don’t know what to do,” you said, hyper-aware of the fact that you were holding back tears. You felt pathetic. “I know I messed up, but if I lose him to MJ, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Clint sighed. “You should’ve just told him how you felt, (Y/N).”

“What would that’ve done except humiliate me?” you asked.

“Why do you say that?” Laura asked.

“Because he doesn’t like me back,” you said. “And this isn’t one of those cliche stories where he actually does. Peter very clearly likes MJ, so what would telling him how I feel do except break my own heart and make things awkward between us?”

“At least he wouldn’t have made you play match-maker between him and MJ,” Clint said. Laura nodded in agreement.

“Well what do I do now?” you asked. Clint and Laura shared a look that you couldn’t decipher.

“You know you have to tell him the truth,” Laura said. “If you really care for him like you say you do, you should tell him how MJ really feels.”

“You owe him that much,” Clint added.

“Ugh,” you groaned again. “I hate when you guys are right.”

“Then why do you talk to us about this kind of stuff?” he teased. “Because we’re always right.”

“You know, one of these days I’m just going to ask you to lie.”

Clint laughed and gave you a quick side hug. “It’s movie night,” he said. “You wanna pick?”

“Come on,” you scoffed. “Do you even have to ask?”

That weekend, chaos ensued. Not in terms of your high school drama, but in the greater scheme of things. You know, like end-of-the-world chaos. Hydra had been working to program a new army of killer-super-soldiers, each designed to kill anyone they saw as a threat: government officials, millionaires and billionaires, CEOs of major companies, and, of course, the Avengers.

So there you were, suiting up at the compound on a cloudy Saturday afternoon. When you were ready, you joined the others in the boardroom. You sat beside Peter who gave you a small smile. Things between the two of you had been weird since you told him about MJ on Tuesday. Your routines didn’t change. You still ate lunch together, waited for each other by your lockers in the morning, and worked together on chemistry homework, but the vibes were different. You really had upset him by lying about MJ, and everyday you felt more and more guilty about it. “You okay?” you asked him, keeping your voice soft. His smile was just as small as it had been when you first sat down.

“Always,” he said.

“Okay,” Tony said, clapping his hands together to get everyone’s attention. “The soldiers’ programming is a lot like Bucky’s. So there’s no way to reason. Unless you can condense Shuri’s work into a millisecond action, these people are lost causes. All we can do is shoot first and capture them if we can.”

“The primary goal is to save the citizens,” Steve added. “Wanda and Clint are on evacuation. Nat and Bruce are working with local officers. We found Whitehall and Bakshi’s command center, so Bucky and I are going to head there and take them down. The rest of you are on the ground in the battle. Save as many civilians as you can, and watch each other’s backs.” You all nodded and chorused back various agreements, then stood up to head to your stations. As you and Peter started to leave the compound, you stopped him.

“What’s up?” Peter asked. “We gotta go.”

“You’re acting weird,” you said. “And it’s bumming me out. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“We don’t have time for this,” he said. “Mr. Rogers said-”

“I don’t care what he said,” you huffed. “You’re my best friend, and I don’t like seeing you this way.”

He sighed. “I just can’t stop thinking about MJ. I really thought she liked me, (Y/N).” You licked your lips and let a puff of air out of your nose.

Sure, maybe you needed to tell him you lied, but now was not the time to do so.

“I know,” you said. “I’m sorry, Pete. Try not to let it get to you. At least not right now. After the battle, I’ll sit with you and eat ice cream while we watch a cheesy rom com.” This managed to make Peter laugh a little, so you gave him a side hug and made your way out of the compound.

The fight was crazy. Not only were there super soldiers on your ass, you were crazy outnumbered by members of Hydra. “How are we looking on the battlefield?” Steve asked through the coms.

“Sexy, but not like we’re trying too hard,” Shuri said.

“Like sure, we’re trying,” Peter added.

“But it’s almost effortless,” you finished.

“I hate you guys,” Sam said.

“Can anyone answer me seriously?” Steve asked.

“Did we get a specific count on how many soldiers there are?” Strange asked. “Because we seem to kill one and it’s like two more take their place.”

“Yeah, well, that’s kind of their thing,” Bucky said.

You were getting frustrated. This shouldn’t have been a difficult mission. Hell, you defeated Thanos! Maybe you were all a little off your game at this point, worn out from the big universe-saving event. Now, simple Hydra agents were kicking your ass. Shouldn’t Steve and Bucky have gotten to Whitehall and Bakshi by now?

You took a deep breath and wiped some sweat from your forehead as you got rid of all the agents around you. When you glanced in Peter’s direction, you saw he was struggling. He was fighting off one of the super soldiers, and while Peter was strong and had his Iron Spidey suit, the soldier had serum running through his veins. It was a pretty equal fight. And Peter was so busy with that soldier that he didn’t notice the Hydra agent approaching him from behind. Your eyes grew wide, and you called Peter’s name. He either didn’t hear you or was too busy to turn. So, you mustered up your super speed, rushed behind him, and took the bullet meant for him in your stomach.

Peter heard the shot ring out and felt your body slump against him. He turned and yanked the gun out of the agent’s hands with his web and shot a taser web at his heart. Tony approached to help with the super soldier, so Peter collapsed to your side. “(Y/N),” he said.

He felt like everything fell silent. He didn’t know what was happening. All he saw was your limp body and the blood gushing through your shirt. You put your hand on the wound and winced, then felt a drop of rain hit your nose. Just like that, it started to pour, making the blood soak into your suit faster. You could just make out the rest of the team speaking in the coms.

“We got Whitehall and Bakshi,” Steve said. “How’s it-”

“(Y/N)’s down!” Peter cried. “We, I don’t know, shit!”

“What happened?” Clint asked.

“Gunshot,” he said. “In, in the stomach. It’s-” He cut himself off with a shaky breath.

“All super soldiers are down,” Thor said. “We’re all coming to you now.”

Peter held you in his arms and pushed some hair from your face. “What were you thinking?” he whispered. Before you could say anything, a rumble of thunder sounded and he added, “We gotta get you out of this rain.”

“Pete,” you laughed breathlessly, “a little fall of rain isn’t going to hurt me now, and you know it.”

“Don't talk like that,” he said, his voice cracking. “You’re going to be okay.” You felt blood drip out of your mouth, and Peter wiped it away.

“MJ likes you,” you said.

“What?” Peter asked, keeping his hand on your cheek.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “I lied to you. MJ really likes you. I just didn’t want to tell you.” He opened his mouth like he was about to ask why, but he figured it out just as fast.

“(Y/N),” he whispered. “We can get you help. Just-”

“I’m okay,” you assured him. “Nothing hurts, and-” You paused and smiled weakly. “You’re here, and that’s all I need. Just don’t leave me.”

“I won’t,” he whispered, pushing some more hair away from your face. Tears mixed with the rain hitting his face, and his body was shaking now. “If I could make all of this go away just by reminding you how much I love you, I would.”

“Just hold me,” you said. “It’s okay.”

The others were starting to walk over to the pair of you, but Peter didn’t move from your side. He rocked you softly in his arms. “I’ll stay with you until you’re asleep,” he whispered. “Don’t worry.” You were quiet for a moment, and he feared he already lost you. Then, you spoke again, so softly it was barely audible.

“Peter?” you asked.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Will you do something for me?” you said.

“Anything.”

You swallowed thickly and let your eyes flutter closed. “Kiss me when I’m gone,” you whispered. “I’ll feel it.”

“(Y/N)-”

“You know what, Peter Parker?” you said, cutting him off. You forced your eyes open and gave him one last smile. “I think I’ve always been in love with you.”

Peter could see the life leave your eyes. Still, he sniffed and pressed his hand to your cheek. “(Y/N)?” he croaked out. “Please. Please, wake up.”

“Pete,” Tony said, resting his hand on the kid’s shoulder.

“No,” he cried. “No. She’s okay. She has to be okay.”

Peter looked at the man behind him, then over his shoulder at all the others watching. They all looked devastated. Clint was standing with his back to the scene, his shoulders visibly shaking. Nat stood beside him and rubbed his back. Peter blinked back some more tears and looked back down at you. He closed your eyes with the pads of his fingers and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N),” he whispered.

Peter never loved you the way you loved him, but there was still love there. Now, holding your limp body in his arms, he wasn’t sure how he’d ever love again.

----- ----- ----- -----

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[star-spangled-steve]

His New Partner

Chapter 42: The Depression

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 2128

Warnings: Light angst, some sad!Steve, some fluff, mentions of pregnancy, one cuss word.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this!

“Hey, guys, look at this.” Y/N spoke in between giggles, gently holding up the raw cookie that she had just finished decorating. On the top was a smiley face made out of chocolate chips, and three, almost four years old Morgan seemed to like it just as much as she did.

“Smiley!” The little girl cheered, and Y/N nodded with a smile.

“Looks like we’re hanging with two children today, Pepper.” Natasha quipped as she lined one of the baking sheets with cookies.

Pepper chuckled as she put some of the dirty bowls and spoons in the dishwasher. “You say that, Nat, but I’ve watched you steal chocolate chips out of that bag for the past half hour.”

The redhead just rolled her eyes playfully, popping another chocolate chip into her mouth.

The women were having a ‘Girls’ Day’ at Tony and Pepper’s lakeside house, filled with hugs, laughs, minor gossip, and alas, baking. It was originally just going to be Y/N, Natasha, and Pepper, but Tony, the man who was supposed to watch Morgan, ended up having a few other things to do. So the child had joined them, not that the women had minded. Morgan was always a treat.

“Fine,” Y/N spoke playfully, “if you don’t like my cookie, Nat, then that’s okay. It’s coming home with me. You don’t even get to try my delicious smiley goodness.”

“Oh I’m heartbroken.” The assassin quipped, making all of the ladies laugh. Well, besides Morgan who was too busy playing with the raw cookie dough, and quite frankly not advanced enough to really understand what they were saying half the time. If their own husbands and male friends couldn’t keep up with them, how could one expect a three-year-old to?

Though, looking at sweet little, adorable Morgan, Y/N couldn’t help but feel a little pang in her chest. She wanted that; a child. She missed being a mother more than anyone could ever know. She’s thought about trying to have more kids in the future, but it always just brings back the terrible memories. The memories of being alone during her pregnancy, of having to raise her son on her own, and most awfully, her son dying right in front of her.

Steve had mentioned it a couple of times. But he could quickly see how uncomfortable the conversation had made her, and made sure to change the topic as fast as he could. He didn’t want to pressure her if she wasn’t ready, especially because of how last time went.

He had hope, though. They both did. Y/N hoped that she could get over her own fears, and Steve hoped that he could one day prove to her that there was nothing to be afraid of. He hoped that he could prove himself worthy of a second chance. That’s all he wanted.

Until then though, they would wait. No matter how badly both of them wanted to be parents. No matter how badly they wanted to fill that little hole in their lives.

“I see nothing but females and I feel outnumbered.”

The voice of one of the people she respected most in the word brought Y/N out of her thoughts. “Tony.” She breathed out, going in for a hug from her billionaire friend.

“Hey, sweet pea.” He greeted her in return, hugging her lovingly before pulling away. “How are ya’ doing?”

The woman gave him a small smile and a couple tiny nods. “Good. You?”

“Good.” The man replied, slightly ruffling her hair before going over to greet Natasha and give Pepper a peck on the lips.

“Daddy!” Morgan cheered, and Tony picked her up, placing her on his hip.

“Exactly who I came in to see.” He chuckled, bouncing her a bit. “You ladies mind if I steal her? Daddy has a couple cool things he wants to show her.”

Pepper smiles. “Go ahead. Just make sure that your ‘cool things’ aren’t too cool.”

“She means no weaponry, Stark.” Natasha stated, knowing that he would never show his daughter that anyways. Tony was a different person now. A family person who did normal, family things.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Y/N watched as he and Morgan walked outside, wishing every bit of that for herself one day.

*****

“So, how’s Steve?”

Pepper’s question threw Y/N a bit off guard. Not because it was intrusive or unexpected; it was actually a very regular, polite thing to ask. No, it had just thrown her off guard because she knew that in fact, her husband was not doing too well.

Steve had been more sad lately. For the last few weeks, he’d seemed a bit more blue than he usually was in these times. Y/N guessed that it might have been A.J.’s birthday that threw him off, as it had just passed, but Thanos’ snap had taken place four years ago now. It couldn’t still be that, could it?

“He’s uh...” the young woman sighed, deciding to just be honest with them, “I don’t think he’s doing too great.” She watched as her friends frowned. “He’s just been a bit more sad lately, that’s all.”

“Well that’s unfortunate.” Pepper said sympathetically as Natasha nodded in agreement.

The three ladies were now sitting down in the living room, having some wine and catching up on life without having to be worried if a little child would hear.

Tony was still outside with Morgan even though it had been well over an hour now, but Pepper didn’t mind. She loved knowing that they were bonding as father and daughter.

“Yeah, well... I’m sure everything will be okay.” Y/N stated, honestly just trying to reassure herself. She hated it when her husband was upset.

“Yeah.” Natasha gave her a little smile, knowing how worried her friend could get sometimes.

It was about an hour or so later when Y/N and Natasha left the lakeside cabin, both going their own separate ways. Everyone gave each other a kiss on the cheek goodbye, including Tony and Morgan who were also going to miss the two women.

Y/N’s drive home was pretty smooth, relatively quiet. She was just looking forward to a nice, relaxing evening at home with her favourite man. Though, when she arrived, she very quickly realized that that was not going to happen.

“Steve?” She called out. “Stevie?” Again and again she shouted his name, never getting an answer in return. It was when she spotted a little note on her kitchen counter that she put it all together.

‘Just needed to clear my head. I should be home in a couple hours. Love you, doll.’

Somehow, Y/N knew exactly where he had gone and knew exactly what she needed to do.

The woman got right back in her car, hightailing it to the place that she knew Steve always went to be alone.

She knew that her going after him was kind of defeating the purpose of him even going to said place, but she had to talk to her husband. She had to figure out why he was so upset.

As soon as she had arrived, she hopped out of her car, and the shutting of her door alerted her husband of her presence.

“How’d you know where I was?” His deep voice questioned.

Y/N shrugged. “Just a hunch.” She walked up to where Steve was leaning on the railing of the old wooden bridge, the same one that he’d taken her to many years ago when he had proposed. She knew that it was still his special place and she could certainly see why. The spot was just as beautiful as the last time she had seen it.

The sky was dark, and they had a beautiful view of the stars this far away from all the city lights. Though even with all this beautiful nature in front of her, the only thing that Y/N could focus on was Steve.

“What’s going on?” She questioned, placing a gentle hand on his arm and stroking up and down. “Why have you been so sad lately?”

“You want the honest answer?” The man questioned, staring intently at the water in the lake. “Or the answer that won’t bring you down with me?”

Y/N gulped. “The honest one. Tell me everything. I want to cheer you up.” She leaned her head against his bicep, wrapping her other hand around his arm too and practically curled herself into his side. “You’ve been so distant these last few weeks. Since...”

“Since A.J.’s birthday.” Her husband finished for her. “Yeah, I know. It really... uh, it really hit me hard this year.”

She looked up at him caringly. “Any particular reason?”

“I want a kid.” Steve blurted out, deciding to just be completely honest with her about everything. He watched as her face looked almost spooked and decided to continue. “And I know, darling. I know that I have no right to ask for that again from you because of how it went last time. Believe me, I’m aware of how awful it was for you to go through that alone.” He turned so that he was fully facing her, taking both of her hands in his own. “And I know that with the trauma, you probably don’t even want to consider this again. It’s just... hearing you tell me last night that you were going to visit Tony and Pepper and... and Morgan today, it really hit me. I just want what they have so damn badly.”

Y/N nodded, small tears beginning to form in her eyes. “I want that too.”

Steve’s face instantly lightened up a bit. “Y-You do?”

“Yes.” The woman spoke, trying to blink back her tears. “I was thinking about it today too, and I really, really want a kid.”

“That-That’s great! That-”

“But I don’t think I’m ready.” She cut him off before his hopes got too high. “Not yet. Maybe soon, but... but not right now.”

“Oh.” Steve swallowed, trying not to show how disappointed he was. “Do you know when?”

Y/N puffed out a little breath. “No. But eventually.” She stepped a bit closer to him, leaning her chin right on his chest and looking up at him. “So many things didn’t go right last time. And I loved Anthony James, still love Anthony James so much, but... it was very, very hard on me emotionally. I just think that I need to completely heal from the first time before we get started on the second time.”

The man nodded, truly agreeing with every word she just said. “You’re right. I’m sorry for trying to rush you.”

She gave him a loving grin. “It’s okay. It’s nice to know that you want this. I just wish that there was a way to actually cheer you up.

Steve lightly chuckled. “Baby, just you being here was enough to cheer me up.”

Y/N gave him a small laugh, sheepishly biting her hip. “Yeah but... hmm... Oh! I have an idea!” She instantly lit up, bouncing on her toes a little. “Wait here.”

The woman ran back to her car as fast as she could before opening up the passenger side door, grabbing what she needed and jogging right back to him.

“Here.” She held out the item for him, watched as he raised his eyebrows with a smirk.

“A cookie?”

Y/N shook her head with a giggle. “No, silly. Not just any cookie, a smiley cookie!” In her hands was the special cookie that she had decorated that afternoon, chocolate chips on the top in the shape of a smiley face.

The man began to laugh at how adorable she was.

“We made cookies today at Pepper’s and I thought that it was a cute idea. I was going to eat it myself but, I think you need a smile more than I do right now.”

Steve’s heart was absolutely warmed. “You’re the sweetest, babydoll. Absolutely the sweetest.”

“I mean, maybe.” Y/N playfully shrugged, placing the cookie in his hands.

“How about we split it?” He asked, not wanting to eat it right in front of her while she had nothing.

“If you insist.”

Steve broke the cookie in half, letting her choose which side she wanted before they clinked the halves together as a form of cheers.

They ate in content silence until they were finished, and the man gave his wife a cookie crumbly kiss, wiping her mouth with his thumb afterwards.

“Thank you, Y/N. I love you.”

The woman smiled at him before leaning into his side and staring at the gorgeous stars above them, feeling a nice sense of peace wash over her. “I love you too. And there’s no need for you to thank me; I’ll always be happy to cheer you up.”

Next Chapter

Feedback is always welcome!❤️

[stylesluxx]

cold? chilling? freezing? (II) – s.rogers

[warnings: a fight scene and mentions of death but I think that’s it]

summary: in which y/n is an assassin turned lover | part one | part three

word count: 2,176

masterlist

The knock at your door pulled you out of your thoughts and out of the bed. You walked over to the door and opened it, not expecting who was behind it.

"Something I can do for you, Captain?" You asked the blonde that stood in front of you.

"I just wanted to formally introduce myself, get a chance to talk to you," He said firmly and held out a hand. "Steve Rogers-"

"I know who you are, Captain. And you know who I am. Is there something I can do for you?" You cut him off.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"Two shoes in a shoebox," You raised an eyebrow and stepped aside so he could fit through the doorway.

You shut the door but kept an eye on him at all times, never having your back to him.

"You can sit on the bed," You told him but you stood by the door, leaning on the wall.

He nodded and walked over to the bed, sitting with good posture.

"I'm assuming you don't want to talk about the mission since your tone doesn't seem urgent enough and you're sitting on my bed. So, what do you want to talk about, Captain?" You asked.

"You can just call me Steve. I just figured I could talk to you one on one; there wasn't much about you in the files."

"There's not much to me, that's why. Whatever was in the file, was all that you needed to know about me," You spoke sharply, not liking that he wanted to know more about you.

You saw him let out a sigh in what looked like defeat and stood to leave. You felt bad; he was trying.

"Thank you for taking the time to talk to me, I know I'm a bit cold but I'm not used to being any other way," You forced out, not wanting to show any signs of weakness or kindness, but you also didn't want to upset him.

"It's no problem. I'm here if you ever need a chat. I'm sure we're more alike than you think."

"I'm sure we are, Captain."

He gave you one last nod before leaving, walking as if he were on a mission, very determined.

You shut the door behind him and turned around to look at your white suit that had hints of red highlighting it. S.H.I.E.L.D. designed it and you went along, agreeing it was good to rebrand. You previously wore an all-black one but you switched for two reasons. One, you knew there was already someone on the team that liked to keep a dark look, Natasha. And two, because the black looked was attached to a life that only had bad memories for you. This new look could be a new start. The only flaw about the suit is that it's so bright and noticeable so your enemies could see you coming but it also draws more attention and you didn't like to be the center of it.

"Loki means to unleash the Hulk," You heard in your ear, distracting you from your inner conflict about the suit.

You sighed and left the room, making your way to the lab. Once you got there the scientists, spies, and super solder were already there, going back and forth. And there was a weird gun-like contraption sitting on the table.

"Loki is manipulating you," You heard Natasha speak as you walked over to lean on the table with the contraption, where you could see everyone.

"I would like to know why SHIELD is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction," Banner spoke clearly, catching your attention.

"You knew about this?" Steve turned to ask you.

"I'm new here just like you, Cap," You responded, not even bothering to look at him.

You listened to the boys go back and forth, causing you to roll your eyes.

"I'm sure if he were still making weapons, Stark would be neck-deep–"

"Since when was this about him?" You questioned Steve which caused a smug smile to decorate Tony's face.

"Yep, I like that one," Tony hummed to himself.

"I'm sorry, usually most things are," Steve retorted and narrowed his eyes at Tony.

"You know, this is exactly what Loki wants," You said as everyone started to speak over each other, but you knew you weren't heard.

"That's his M.O. isn't it? I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no, we're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're- we're a time bomb," Banner ranted but with a calm and neutral voice.

"You need to step away."

"Why shouldn't the guy let off a little steam?" Tony instigated and put his hand on Steve's shoulder.

"You know damn well why. Back off!" Steve said and pushed Tony's arm off.

"Oh, I'm starting to want you to make me," Tony antagonized him, making you crack a smile at the interaction.

"Yeah. Big man in a suit of armor," Steve says and starts circling Tony. "Take that off, what are you?"

"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist," Tony answered smartly and you and Natasha nodded at the same time, agreeing.

"I know guys with none of that worth ten of you."

"Knew," You quietly corrected."I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you," Steve dug into Tony.

"I think I would just cut the wire," Tony went back at Steve.

Steve glanced over at you quickly with a smile; not a happy one, you could tell he was annoyed.

"Always a way out. You may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero."

"A hero? Like you? You a laboratory experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle."

"Put on the suit. Let's go a few rounds."

Thor laughed so you knew it was okay to let out a giggle, it was getting tense and you didn't want anyone to look at you weird.

"You people are so petty," He chuckled. "And tiny," He said while look at you, making you give him a face.

"Yeah, this is a team," Banner rolled his eyes.

"Agents Romanoff and Y/L/N, would you escort Doctor Banner back to his-"

"Where? You rented my room," Banner said and pointed off to the general direction of Loki.

"The cell was just in case-"

"In case you needed to kill me. But you can't. I know, I tried."

You and the others looked over at him, and you crossed your arms over your chest as you analyzed him. He was a little more unstable than you originally presumed.

"I got low. I didn't see an end. So, I put a bullet to my mouth, and the other guy spit it out," He explained.

As he kept talking, you watched as his hand moved to Loki's scepter, immediately putting you on guard, your hand reaching for the gun you kept strapped on your ankle. The others soon began to pick up on what you already noticed making you slightly worried about their reaction times.

"You wanna know my secret Agent Romanoff? You wanna know how I stay calm?"

"Doctor Banner... put down the scepter," Steve spoke up just as you took the safety off the gun and held it at your side.

Banner looked down at the scepter in his hand before looking up at everyone. And just at that moment, the computers started going off, garnering everyone's attention.

"Sorry, kids, you don't get to see my party trick after all," Bruce said bitterly and walked over to the other side of the lab.

Everyone started speaking again, trying to draft up individual plans rather than a plan for the whole group to follow.

"You're not going alone!" Steve tried to stop Tony from leaving and going after the Tesseract by himself.

"You gonna stop me?" Tony challenged and swatted Steve's hand away from him.

"Put on the suit, let's find out."

"I'm not afraid to hit an old man."

"Put on the suit."

"Oh, my God," Banner mumbled, taking his glasses off.

There was a big boom that shook the whole Helicarrier and tossed everyone in different directions. Steve tried to grab onto you, but you fell through the glass windows with Natasha and Bruce and he was tossed against a cabinet next to Tony.

"Romanoff! Y/L/N!" You heard from the earpiece in your ear.

You looked over as a bunch of metal was sprawled out over you, Natasha, and Banner. The glass shards cut tiny holes in your black cargos and long-sleeve shirt. You hadn't been in action in an outfit like this since you were back in France.

"We're fine," Natasha spoke back with uncertainty in her voice.

"Are we really?" You asked and tried to move the rubble off of you.

You heard Banner groaned in between you and Natasha's pants.

"Doctor?" You asked but he groaned even louder, his hands balling into fists.

"Bruce? You gotta fight it. This is just what Loki wants," Natasha spoke calmly, but no matter how you talked to him, he was going to shift. "We're going to be okay. Listen to me."

You watched as other agents attempted to come in and help, but Natasha shooed them out in an attempt to keep the doctor calm.

"We're going to be okay. Alright? I swear on my life, I will get you out of this. You will walk away and never ever-"

"Your life?" Banner spoke, outraged by what she said.You saw him turning green and turned back around to work on getting out of the rubble.

Banner gave you two one last look before fully turning into the Hulk.

"Bruce," You heard Natasha whisper.

You wiggled out of the pipes and quickly got up. You went over to Natasha and picked the pipe up off her leg. She shot up and you both started running, but not before grabbing the gun that fell out your hand.

"You go up top and I'll stay down here," You told her and she nodded, running up some steel steps.

For a while you were both running around, trying to hide from the big guy before crossing paths again. You found Natasha sneaking around containers, trying not to be seen by the big green man. You both looked up and he growled upon the sight of the two of you. You quickly aimed your gun and shot at a pipe, wanting to distract him so you two could run. The two of you ran through the hallway, trying to get away from him when he got close and swatted Natasha out the way, tossing her into a wall.

"Come on, you big green idiot!" You called as you kept running, bringing him further from the Russian.

He chased after you until you heard a big bang that seemed to have taken him out. You look through the hole in the wall and see him and Thor rolling on the floor. Thor tried to reason with the Hulk, calling him Banner and ultimately getting punched through some bins. You tore away from the two and ran back to Natasha.

You pulled her off the floor and dusted her off, not bothering to ask if she was okay. You heard a message about Barton, causing you and Natasha to look at each other and nod.

You and Nat figured out where he was and split up. You catch him from the front, and she'd attack from the back. You picked up that this was important for her, so while you weren't going to fight Barton yourself, you'd be there for backup and as a distraction.

When Barton saw you, he pulled up his bow and was ready to shoot an arrow at you, but Nat turned him around and narrowly dodged the shot. At one point he had her against the railing, so you took the opportunity to punch him and kick him down. He pulled out a knife and kept going back and forth with his friend. But you noticed the redhead was in a position she couldn't get out, so you kicked the back of his legs, letting him fall to the ground and Nat hit his head against the railing.

"That was a bit hard for someone we want to keep alive," You muttered and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

You looked back at the man with the arrows as he fell back, clearly disoriented.

"Natasha?" He questioned and the woman quickly punched him, knocking him to the ground.

You and Natasha had been waiting for the medical team to arrive and get Barton. She was leaning against the railing, looking completely drained. You sat on the floor, head on the railing so the coldness of it could help with the migraine that was starting to form.

"Agent Coulson is down," You heard Fury speak after a while. "They called it."

[AN: I was not expecting this part to be this long omg but I hope you guys enjoyed it]

[tags: @thisartemisnevermisses]

[beccarooni]

Thorbruce cuddling fic?

(A.N: wow this one has been waiting a long time! I'm sorry it took me forever, but I hope you enjoy the fic and anyone else I do take requests!)

Bruce knew he shouldn't have agreed to watch horror movies with Tony. It had been late, the long night at the lab stretching into an early morning, and he knew he should've been getting to bed. 

But, the billionaire didn't seem to want to settle down quite yet. And so, who was Bruce to say no, really? 

Not a lot of people could say no to Tony Stark - not when he turned those big brown eyes on you and claimed he didn't want to be alone for the night. 

Bruce didn't want to be alone either. And so, he'd said yes. Obviously. 

And then Tony had put on some cheesy horror flick from the 80s, and Bruce had said, 'yes, of course'. He'd seen aliens invade New York, he transformed into a giant green monster sometimes on the daily. Suffice it to say, he'd seen enough to not get jumpy at horror movies anymore. 

The weather didn't help much. Cracks of lightning forked against the sky, wind howled, and rain pattered almost horizontally across the large windows as he made his way back to his room. The storm stretched out the shadows, made monsters out of coat hooks, and had Bruce significantly more on edge when he was imagining some knife-fingered murderer lurking behind every door. 

He was so caught up in meticulously imagining the theoretical ways that he could kick some monster butt that when he entered his room, he almost didn't register the other presence there. 

But, the large shape moved, and Bruce dealt with it as any strong and powerful superhero would. 

He yelped and tripped over a kitchen table. 

Groaning, he stumbled to his feet, different scenarios flying through his head when another fork of lightning illuminated the familiar face in front of him. 

Thor was sat on his sofa, hair dripping from the rain, blue eyes wide with something that shoved Bruce's imaginary foes to the side in exchange for something a touch more real. A touch more worrying. 

"Thor?" 

Bruce let out a careful sigh of relief, shrugging his cardigan from his shoulders in a fruitless effort to seem more casual after his...dramatic entrance. 

"I uh…didn't mean to frighten you, so. Are you well?" 

Thor leant forward, frowning with concern at where Bruce's knee had made great battle with the table leg. 

"No, no - I'm fine. Just wasn't expecting you, is all." He perched on the arm of the sofa, one arm extending towards the hanging cord of a lamp. 

"Thought you weren't due back from Asgard except for emergencies?" 

"Strictly speaking, I'm not back."

Thor's voice wavered somewhat, and the Demigod shied away from the light, scooting further back on the sofa - large, broad shoulders hunching over in an effort to look small. 

Not that Thor ever really could look small. But the action alone was somewhat concerning. 

Blonde hair fell over blue eyes as Thor jerked his head up towards the door, with a flash of recognition like he'd just remembered something important. 

"Please don't tell Stark I'm here. Or anyone. Asgard doesn't know I'm gone, and I just -"

"Hey, hey. It's fine, everyone's asleep now, anyway. No one's gotta know." 

Ok, Bruce was moving from concerned into outright fearful. Thor's voice was shaking harder than his shoulders, and he restlessly shifted from position to position - hands gripping the soft material of the sofa with so tight a grip that it was a miracle the wood wasn't splintering. 

"Just out of curiosity, why are you here? Is something wrong?" 

"Yes. Well, no. Well…" Thor trailed off, shaking his head as his frown deepened. 

"It's personal." 

"Right." 

Cautiously, Bruce extended a hand out to rest against Thor's shoulder. 

In moments like these, however far and wide they may have been, it was better to approach Thor slowly rather than rush in. Mostly out of self preservation - when the Demigod got upset, things tended to get…sparky. The kind of sparky that may entice a certain green individual out to see what all the fuss is about, and Bruce was really trying to keep the tower intact. 

Bruce's hand made contact, and mercifully, his nerves remained thoroughly un-electrocuted. 

"You uh...wanna talk about it?" 

"It is… difficult to explain," 

Thor glanced up, his face forming a bitter ghost of his usual 1000 volt grin. 

"You'll think me mad." 

"Try me."

Thor nodded, more to himself than anything else, and the ice cold fear in Bruce's lungs began to thaw. 

Thor, thankfully, was not as shut off as others would like to believe. Or, maybe he was, and Bruce was one of the rare few privy to the Asgardians feelings. Whatever the case, it never took too much prying from Bruce to get to the route of Thor's troubles. 

The two told each other things. That's just how it was. It was a warm feeling - comforting. Like a cozy blanket settled across the shoulders, or a mug of hot tea clasped between two cold hands. 

For so long, it seemed the both of them were encouraged to lock down feelings. To freeze emotion where it stood. 

For some reason, Bruce felt capable of thawing in the warmth of Thor's sun. And he was all too happy to return the favour. 

"I have not been resting well, as of late. Being on Asgard, knowing Loki is below me somewhere in a dungeon, it just feels...wrong. Like I shouldn't be sleeping - like I am undeserving, " 

Thor shrugged his shoulders, some of the tension beginning to seep out. 

"But I'm so tired, Bruce." 

The demigod's head fell into his hands, the rain outside hammering against the windowpane. Bruce tried not to flinch at the sound of thunder - a tremendously difficult task when you know for a fact that the storm is brewing right above your head, and that the source of it is curled next to you, currently having a crisis of guilt.

Bruce let a few beats of silence pass by, rubbing comforting circles into the demigods shoulder as he mulled over the words. 

"Thor, could you look at me for a sec?" 

Thor, albeit a little reluctantly, met Bruce's eyeline - suddenly seeming so much younger peeking out from behind stray strands of hair.

Younger, and so much more afraid. 

"You know what happened in New York wasn't your fault, right?" 

The scientist moved a little closer, until his knee brushed against the cold metal of the top of Thor's boot. 

"If I had not expressed an interest in Midgard, then-"

"Then Loki would've come through the tesseracts portal regardless. This one isn't on you. It's...I don't know, I don't think it's on anyone."

Tony's frantic eyes momentarily flashed before him, and Bruce's face fell somewhat as he muttered. 

"Anyone we know of, at least." 

"The damage is still done, Bruce. Regardless of where or who by." 

A shuddering sigh escaped the demigod, his voice suddenly sounding that much tighter. 

"It is my burden to bear, my penance to pay, and I am not even sure I can do that for much longer." 

Bruce smiled softly, bringing one calloused hand up to rest against the side of Thor's neck. The gesture seemed to bring a sense of familiarity, and for a moment, the rain outside didn't hammer so loudly. Thor's skin was warm under his hand, and in the silence of the living room, Bruce could've sworn he could feel the storm move and shift under Thor's skin. 

"Y'know, we've got a saying here on Midgard. 'A problem shared is a problem halved' - you know that one?"

"No," Thor frowned, turning to face him a little more. 

"What does it mean?"

"It means that you don't have to bear this burden alone, Thor. I've got you." 

He unclenched his other hand from the sofa, linking his fingers between Thor's. 

"You can rest here." 

Watching scary movies with Tony had been a bad idea. It made sleeping alone that much more unbearable, when you'd imagine monsters of every calibre creeping up behind you. 

But, it seemed that Bruce had stumbled across a cure for that particular ailment. One in the form of a large and thunderous Demigod, sprawled across his sofa, head laying in Bruce's lap - snoring loud enough to put the wakened dead back in their coffins. 

He was glad Thor didn't take much coaxing with these sorts of things. The Demigod didn't seem to indulge in comforts of the emotional kind too often - the large armour and the old English seemed to speak of a childhood where comfort like this was pushed away. 

But, Bruce was happy to be an exception. Happy to lend Thor a t-shirt and sweatpants that were comically small on him, happy to endure shoulder cramp if that meant the demigod would get a good night's sleep for once. 

Thor would return the favour, someday. But for now, Bruce could provide a sanctuary of his own. 

[punyparkerfics]

double vision

Arvin Russell and Peter Parker Twins AU

Tony collects Spider-Man for the fight in Germany and finds out he’s quite literally twice the trouble she had expected.

A/N: This is me cementing my place as CEO of the Parker twins. It’s literally all I’ve thought about for over a month. My actual twins au doesn’t have female tony stark, and doesn’t include Arvin for this meeting. this is just me seeing if I could actually write these boys and giving y’all a small taste. hope you enjoy!

Tony desperately wanted to stop herself. She knew this was a terrible idea. Unfortunately for all parties about to be involved, she wasn’t left with much of a choice. Ross had given her basically no time, and Steve had given her no room to negotiate. Tony never wanted to involve a kid still enrolled in high school (if her quick scan of what FRIDAY had compiled on the kid was accurate) in this mess. But again, she had no choice.

It was easy enough to sweet-talk her way into May Parker’s apartment. Tony was recognizable and surprisingly doing well in the press, that paired with her smart appearance and pretty smile was more than enough for the woman. 

Mrs. Parker had let her in with a kind smile and an insistence that she brewed tea for the two of them to pair with her fresh walnut date loaf. This led to an over-excited May Parker rambling about nutrition and how difficult it could be to get teenage boys to get all the vitamins and shit they needed for healthy development… or something? Don’t ask Tony, a plastered smile and convincing nod compensated enough for her to not have to actually listen to what the woman was saying. 

Before she knew it, the two women sat beside each other on the cozy couch situated in the living room. Tony gazed around the apartment and thought it was adorable, very homey. She could see signs of life in it that just weren’t present in Tony’s own home. Whether it was a kicked pair of shoes or a stain or chip on the coffee table, it was clear there were many memories in the space surrounding them. The Tower, no matter how many people it housed at any given moment, never looked lived-in… it never felt like an actual home. Not quite like this. 

Tony smiled at the framed photos on the mantelpiece as May continued rambling on about omega vitamins or iron deficiencies or… something. Again, it’s very important to not ask Tony. Her mind had about a million things running through it at the moment, she couldn’t be bothered to be an attentive student on nutrition right now, nor ever. It didn’t seem odd to Tony that there seemed to be an absurdly large amount of school photos of the same face all over the apartment. She figured the Spider-Kid just came from a very loving family with a doting aunt looking after him, and that made her feel warm and fuzzy but she wasn’t sure why.

“So,” May’s voice cut through Tony’s distracted gaze, drawing the billionaire’s attention to her, “What did you say brought you here? I’m sorry my head’s all over the place today.”

Tony politely smiled and placed her teacup back in the saucer before clearing her throat, “Um, I’m here to talk to Peter. He applied for a grant provided by Stark Industries. I was so impressed by his application I had to meet him, and you, and hopefully, discuss the next steps.”

“Grant? Peter didn’t tell me about any grant?” May shook her head, her brow furrowed, “Maybe he told—”

“Kids these days are so excited to share things with their friends that they forget to tell their family. I bet it slipped his mind that he applied.” Tony offered easily.

“Maybe,” May muttered, still looking put-off, “I just… Peter’s been such a big fan of yours since he was little, I couldn’t imagine he’d keep something like that from me or—”

The two were interrupted by the sound of muffled arguing coming from behind the front door and a key jingling in the lock.

“How many times have I told you—” a low and steady voice called out, upset, only to be interrupted but a higher-pitched, nearly frantic one,

“Would you stop treating me like—”

The bickering continued as the door to the apartment swung open, the voices much louder this time. Tony’s eyes shot to the door and her jaw dropped at the sight before her. Two teenage boys of the same height, weight, hair color, age, and fucking face were barking at each other in front of the apartment door. Tony was flummoxed, they both looked just like the kid she was here to pick up and take to Germany. 

There weren’t two spider boys, right? The idea that there was more than one person behind the mask had crossed her mind a time or two but seeing a pair of identical twins wasn’t something she would ever even think to consider.

“Boys!” May called out, her face instantly changing from confused to stern, “What is the matter with you two?”

The two stop going at one another to look towards the woman addressing them. The one on the right, his chocolate curls obviously have escaped the copious amounts of hair gel he’d meticulously applied very well complimented his oversized sweatshirt and skinny jeans. 

Tony figured that was Peter as he gaped at her in awe when his eyes landed on her, the argument with his twin brother obviously since forgotten. His identical counterpart was dressed in a white t-shirt underneath an open grey button-up and dark jeans. His hair was smushed underneath a dark navy cap, chocolate curls poking out on the sides. 

This brother, though, either hadn’t noticed Tony at all or couldn’t care less that the billionaire superhero was sitting in his living room, because he just relayed whatever it was that riled them up to his aunt.

“He thinks he knows everything and that I— stop it!” The boy grunted and shoulder bumped his brother who was frantically patting his arm, obviously trying to get his attention. But again, the boy remained unperturbed in telling his aunt what was bothering him as he continued.

“He never fuckin’ listens to me then gets mad when I so graciously save his sorry ass from any trouble, and I—”

“Arvin!” Probably Peter, now graduated to Definitely Peter, cried as he shook his brother’s shoulder and pointed to where Tony remained sitting in shock on the couch.

Arvin looked about ready to clobber Peter but settled for looking in the direction his twin brother oh-so-desperately wanted him to look. Upon the realization of what exactly he was looking at, his face melted from one of fury to one of pure confusion.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Arvin asked.

“Arvin Eugene Parker!” May called out as she stood to instill what was nothing short of the fear of God into the boy, “Where are your manners, young man?”

“Sorry ma’am,” Arvin ducked his head in mild embarrassment from upsetting his aunt, “Won’t happen again, May. You have my word.”

He whipped his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair before looking at his twin expectantly. Peter stood frozen, his wide eyes glued on Tony. Arvin cleared his throat and bumped Peter’s shoulder again, hopefully reminding him of his own manners.

“Ms. Stark!” Peter squeaked in surprise, “Hey, I-I-I’m Peter.”

Tony bit back a chuckle at the boys before her before pointing to herself casually, “Tony.”

“What are you- what are you- what are you doing here?” Peter asked nervously, clearly flustered from seeing the woman in his apartment. Arvin snorted at his brother’s pathetic excuse at being casual in front of his lifelong idol. 

“Arvin,” May reprimanded again, causing the boy to sober up and nod with an apologetic smile.

“Excuse my brother, Ms. Stark,” Arvin addressed Tony, “He’s a real big fanboy of yours and he’s probably trying not to piss himself right now.”

“Arvin!” Peter cried in horror before shoving his brother, “Shut up!”

“Fuckin’ make me!” Arvin retaliated with an identical shove of his own.

“Okay, that’s enough!” May interrupted, her hands on her hips and her face sternly expectant, “If you two don’t cut it out right now, I’ll get the shirt.”

“No!” The two shouted in unison, a flash of panic on their faces, before straightening up and standing shoulder-to-shoulder with sweet smiles on their faces.

“The shirt?” Tony quirked a brow at the woman.

“It’s nothing, Ms. Stark!” Peter blurted, “It’s uhh… Anyway, what was it you said you were doing here?”

“You weren’t gonna tell me about the grant?” May asked Peter, her face soft.

“The-the grant?” Peter repeated with clear confusion in his voice.

“The September Foundation,” Tony supplied easily. Her eyes flicked over to Arvin who gave her a hard stare. For some reason, she felt like the kid was onto her. 

“Right,” Peter agreed, his demeanor more than unconvincing. 

“Yeah, remember when you applied?” Tony asked.

“...Yeah…” Peter replied nervously. Arvin looked back and forth between the billionaire and his brother with a sense of distrust on his face. 

“I approved!” Tony shrugged casually much to the dismay of the boys’ aunt, “So now, we’re in business.”

“You didn’t tell me anything, what’s up with that? You’re keeping secrets from me now?” May asked gently.

“Well, I just- I just know how much you love surprises, so I just thought I would let you know—” Peter was beginning to flounder. Whatever Ms. Stark was actually there for, he didn’t want to let her down. He knew he certainly didn’t apply for any sort of grant, certainly not one with anything to do with Tony Stark. If he had, May and Arvin wouldn’t have heard the end of it, they all knew that,

“With all due respect, that’s a load of shit,” Arvin interjected to everyone’s horror. 

“Arvin, I will not tell you again—” May was clearly at the end of her patience with these boys, the mouthy one in particular. 

“May, we know better than anyone on the planet if Peter had applied for a grant from Tony Fuckin’ Stark, that’s all we’d hear about for weeks. I don’t know why she’s actually here but it’s not for no damn grant,” Arvin explained, his face hard and unrelenting.

“I didn’t say anything because—” Peter began to only be interrupted.

“Don’t try to feed me any bullshit, P,” Arvin shook his head, “I’ve been shoulder-to-shoulder to you your entire fuckin’ life, I know you. And I know she’s lyin’.”

“She isn’t!” Peter insisted, “I didn’t say anything to you or May because I didn’t want you or her to be disappointed if I didn’t get it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, y’know?”

“Like we’d give a fuck about that,” Arvin scoffed, “September Grant or not, we’ll always be proud'a you. You know that.”

“Arv,” Peter looked at his brother with pleading eyes. Arvin was the only person in the world that knew all of Peter’s secrets, even the big one. Peter had a feeling that whatever Ms. Stark was here for, it was spider related and he really needed Arvin to at least play along if he was going to get May to cooperate without asking too many questions.

Arvin studied his brother for a long moment before turning his gaze to Tony. She had remained seated on the couch, looking expectantly at the boys and occasionally glancing at her watch. Clearly whatever she wanted with his twin was time-sensitive. And sure, Arvin’s protective instinct for his brother was what drove him to do pretty much everything he did, but he didn’t want to ruin whatever opportunity Tony Stark was about to give him. While he didn’t trust Tony in the slightest, he knew he had to trust Peter and his instincts. Sure, his brother might very well be blinded by hero worship but he wasn’t stupid. He just really had to trust him.

Arvin sighed and relented, “Fine, I believe you,” he lied. 

“Mind if I have a minute with him?” Tony asked as she stood, straightening out her skirt and looking to both May and Arvin for permission.

May seemed on the fence. She wasn’t too skeptical before Arvin called the situation as he saw it: unlikely. May Parker knew her boys too well. She knew that Peter would more likely than not gush excitedly about the grant in question and his application for weeks to the point Arvin would consider smothering his own twin with a pillow. 

But she also knew Arvin was fiercely protective over Peter and always had been. Arvin spent his entire life by Peter’s side, fending off bullies and monsters under the bed, holding his brother after particularly scary nightmares and more grief than the two teens could ever imagine. Arvin was, in short, Peter’s protector. But that meant Arvin often let their trauma lead him to paranoia, constantly fearing people had the worst intentions when it came to Peter.

At the end of the day, May reminded herself, Tony Stark was a superhero. She was Peter’s hero. It was hard for May to think of any scenario in which a super-suit toting billionaire philanthropist would go to such lengths to pluck a random kid out of Queens for nefarious reasons. That paired with the fact that Arvin had relented definitely eased the woman’s mind. She looked to Arvin for his response.

“Whatever,” Arvin shrugged as he made his way back to the door to the apartment, “Have fun talking about your stupid grant.”

With that, the stoic twin stormed out. Peter and May let out identical sighs, the latter bringing a hand to massage her temples.

“I’m sorry for any trouble I’ve caused,” Tony piped up.

“Oh, no,” Both remaining Parkers insisted at the same time.

“Arvin’s just—”

“He just—”

The two sighed again.

“I’m gonna call him,” May said, pulling her phone from her pocket before turning to Tony, “You two can talk in the boys’ room.”

Peter offered an awkward smile before leading Tony to the bedroom he shared with his brother. Locking the door behind her, Tony looked around the room. It was clear two teenage boys inhabited it by the random articles of clothing strewn around the room and the bright posters adorning the walls and the bunk beds.

“You the Elvis fan?” Tony asked, pointing to a framed poster of the king himself.

“No, ma’am,” Peter shook his head, “That’s my brother. Arvin’s really into music from the ’50s and ’60s.”

“Hmm,” Tony nodded, clearly impressed, “I have to admit that does surprise me.”

“About Arvin,” Peter interjected with a grimace, “I’m really sorry about him, Ms. Stark. He’s just super protective, is all. He really is a nice guy, you just— You caught him on a bad day.”

“Ah, don’t worry about that,” Tony waved him off as she continued looking around the room and stifling a smile at the framed photographs of the twins from when they were much younger, “Not why I’m here.”

“Right…” Peter nodded, “I definitely didn’t apply for your grant. Arvin knows that.”

“Your brother’s really on top of things,” Tony agreed.

“Yeah, like I said,” Peter sighed, “Super protective.”

“Bet that can get infuriating,” Tony hummed, reminiscing on her MIT days and a menacing James Rhodes by her side.

“Well, he’s my brother,” Peter shrugged, “I know he’s only like that because he loves me.”

“That’s sweet,” Tony smiled. The genius casually pulled up a holographic video of a masked spider-like vigilante swinging through Queens as if the conversation prior hadn’t happened, “That’s you, right?”

“Wh- No?” Peter denied, causing Tony to roll her eyes.

“Listen, kid,” Tony sighed, “You and your clone really ate up valuable time that I don’t really have. You got a passport?”

“No,” Peter shook his head, “I don’t even have a driver’s license.”

“You ever been to Germany?” Tony asked.

“No.”

“Oh, you’ll love it,” Tony replies flippantly.

“I can’t go to Germany!” Peter exclaimed.

“Why not?” 

“Well, I got homework and—”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that,” Tony rolled her eyes again.

“And Arvin for sure won’t be cool with it! He’ll flip, seriously,” Peter shook his head, “I’m sorry, Ms. Stark, I’d love to help you but my brother would actually kill me if I went to Germany with you.”

“What’s he thinking I’m gonna do to you?” Tony grumbled, “I’m not a kiddie snatcher or anything. I’m a damn superhero. Does he know that?”

“Yeah, he just,” Peter chuckles nervously, “You’re still a stranger and all. He doesn’t take too kindly to those.”

“What if I took you both?” Tony suggested. She really was at the end of her rope here, and she needed this kid on a plane to Germany as soon as possible. If taking his angry twin brother meant that he and his aunt would be at ease without asking too many questions, she’d easily do that.

“Us both?” Peter repeated in shock.

“Yeah, you and thing 2 can sit pretty and take a private jet. If he wants a separate room, that can be arranged, but he’s gonna wait in the hotel for you until we’re done. He’ll make sure you’re safe and—”

“I don’t know,” Peter sighed, “I’d have to talk to him.”

“Okay,” Tony nodded, “Any idea where he might be? I take it he knows about your arachnid activities.”

“Yeah, he’s the only one who knows,” Peter agreed, “Kind of hard to keep things from him, and he’s stubborn as hell.”

“I can tell,” Tony chuckled, “So, where can we go get him?”

“He’s probably with his friend Michelle,” Peter offered easily, “But we can see if May got a hold of him”

“Good call,” Tony said as she sauntered towards the door, her hand on the doorknob, “We should tell your unusually attractive aunt—”

The genius was cut off by the distinct sound of a thwip and the feeling of her hand being bound to the doorknob. 

She looked up at the kid and saw him pointing his crazy web shooter contraptions at her before he held a finger out and said, “Don’t tell Aunt May.”

“Okay, Spider-Boy, get me out of this,” Tony rolled her eyes at the boy’s dramaticism.

Once Peter had pried his idol out of the strong webbing, the two walked out into the living room where May was pacing. The woman stopped upon hearing the two enter before looking up at them.

“Is he okay?” Peter asked.

“Yeah,” May sighed, “He’s at Delmar’s with Michelle.”

“She must’ve been in the area, then,” Peter hummed, turning to Ms. Stark, “Delmar’s is a bodega just a few blocks from here. It won’t take long to go get him.”

“Perfect,” Tony hummed before turning to May, “Mrs. Parker, Peter has been offered a spot at the Stark Industries Internship Retreat in Palo Alto. It’s an all-expense paid trip, he’d get put up in a hotel and he’d be participating in workshops with other recipients of the September Foundation grant that qualify for the retreat.”

“What?” May choked, her eyes wide, “Palo Alto? California?”

“Ms. Stark said that Arvin could come with me!” Peter assured her, “That way I won’t be out there without anyone I know, and we’re out of the apartment while you work throughout the weekend.”

“You—” May turned to Tony. The poor woman looked so confused.

“Peter told me that Arvin wouldn’t be comfortable letting his brother go on a trip with a stranger,” Tony explained, “I figured you’d feel similarly, and it’s really no trouble if the two of them came. He could shadow Peter at the retreat since he doesn’t qualify as he didn’t actually apply. He’d even get his own room if he wanted, but he’d—”

“No,” May shook her head, “They have to share. You can’t separate them. They stay together the entire time. That’s my only condition.”

May wanted to say no. She wanted to ask the billionaire if she was crazy, that there was no chance in hell she’d let a stranger take her boys to California on such short notice. But, May felt a sense of ease at the idea of the two of them going together. She knew Arvin would look after Peter and Peter after Arvin. May knew her boys had an unbreakable bond and an ability to take care of each other better than even May could. She’d seen it firsthand when the boys first moved in after their short stay in foster care, once Ben and May finally got custody of them.

May knew the boys loved her and had loved Ben just as much, but they only truly needed each other. They’d proved that time and time again. And because of that, May surprised herself by deciding that Peter wouldn’t ever have an opportunity like this again. And Arvin tagging along made it that much more special, she figured.

“That’s perfectly fine,” Tony smiled.

“You stick with your brother, Pete,” May said to Peter, not giving the boy any room to argue, “No matter what, okay? If he tries running off on his own, you let someone know and you follow him if you have to, okay? I don’t want you two getting separated so far away from home.”

“I promise,” Peter nodded with a soft smile, “We’ll be okay, May.”

“You two gotta look out for each other,” May urged him, her hands gripping the teen’s shoulders.

“We always do,” Peter assured her, “I gotta go get him from Delmar’s, so I can tell him and we can pack.”

“I’ll take you,” Tony offered, swinging her car keys on her finger, “We’ll get there in a flash.”

Peter looked back to his aunt with sparkling eyes as he silently asked for permission. May hesitated for a second before her face softened into a smile, her baby was too excited to deny him. So, she nodded. 

“Love you, May,” Peter nearly squealed with excitement as he pressed a kiss to the woman’s cheek and gave her a tight hug, “Be right back!”

Tony had to suppress a smile as Peter practically skipped over to the front door and held it open, gesturing for the woman to walk through.

“After you,” He said kindly to the billionaire. Tony raised her eyebrows and turned to May.

“Quite the gentleman,” Tony noted, “You must be proud.”

“Very,” May nodded, “Arvin’s manners are usually better than what you saw, you’ll have to forgive him.”

“Water under the bridge,” Tony waved her off like she had done to Peter before. She found it endearing how badly the two of them wanted her to know that Arvin was a kind boy. She was more than inclined to believe it.

“Let’s go, short stack,” Tony said as she led the way to her car, smiling as she heard Peter send May another ‘I love you’ before closing the door and trotting behind the genius.

“You’ll navigate me, right?” Tony asked as they made their way down the stairs, “I don’t really know my way around here.”

“Yeah, for sure,” Peter smiled, “It’s not too far, Ms. Stark.”

“Okay,” Tony nodded, “We go get your brother and give him a rundown of what we told May. He knows not to spill your secret, right?”

“He’d never,” Peter scrunched his face as he held the door to the apartment lobby open for her, “He knows it’s to keep him and May safe.”

“Good,” Tony hummed. She unlocked her car and got settled, ignoring how Peter gaped at the vehicle before climbing in himself, “Then we won’t need to convince him to go along with us, right?”

“I’m sure he’ll get it, Ms. Stark,” Peter agreed as he fastened his seatbelt, “It should be fine.”

“Okay,” Tony replied. She followed Peter’s direction to a little bodega just a few blocks from the apartment.

She could see Arvin from the window out front. He was leaning against a wall, lazily sipping on a bottle of root beer beside a light-skinned girl with curly hair. She was pretty, she’d have to give him credit there.

Peter made his way into the bodega to collect Arvin, kindly waving to the man behind the counter, making Tony smile. Arvin watched his brother with a mild intensity as he took another swig of his root beer, the girl looking up at where Peter was approaching. Michelle, if Tony recalled, looked at Peter briefly before returning her attention to the book in her hands. Tony could see she was still attentively listening as her brows raised slightly when Peter began to talk animatedly and gestured towards Tony’s car. When Arvin looked at the car and Tony inside, she saluted the kid. His face hardened again and he adjusted the cap on his head before turning back to his brother, asking him something Tony couldn’t decipher. 

Whatever Peter was telling him, seemed to ease his mind, because he sighed and nodded before turning to Michelle. He seemed to ask her a question, as she nodded in response before punching him lightly on the shoulder. The boy smiled and pulled her into a quick hug before following Peter out of the bodega, making sure to wave to Michelle as he left.

It was nice to see Arvin smiling, Tony thought. He had the same twinkle in his eyes that Peter had. The same light and hope. The two exited the bodega (after they both waved at the man behind the counter again. Gosh, these boys are too friendly.) and Arvin disposed of his root beer bottle in the recycling bin before shoving the last bite of a candy bar in his mouth and throwing the wrapper in the trash bin. The boy chewed thoughtfully as he looked at the flashy sports car in front of him. Peter clapped a hand onto his shoulder before seemingly urging him to climb in the back seat with him.

The twins piled in the back seat, Peter’s excited smile back on his face and Arvin’s skeptical stare on his own. 

“All set, boys?” Tony asked, looking back at them, “Your girlfriend won’t miss you?”

“She ain’t my girlfriend,” Arvin grunted in response, “Where’re we actually going?”

“Germany. We’ll take a private jet, I have someone getting passports for the both of you, they’ll have your school ID photos on them,” Tony replied as she turned back around and started the car.

Peter clicked his seatbelt into place before nudging Arvin to get him to do the same. 

“So our aunt thinks we’ll be three hours behind when we’re actually six head?” Arvin asked as he fastened his own seatbelt, “How’s that gonna work, genius?”

“Arv,” Peter sighed, “Don’t pretend you haven’t lied about where you were before.”

“Yeah, but I’ve never been in a damn foreign country before, P,” Arvin hissed, “Sayin’ I’m with you at Ned’s house when I’m really at Pioneer with Jamie ain’t the same as saying I’m in California when I’m really in fuckin’ Germany, now is it?”

“It’ll be fine,” Peter shrugged, “If May wants to call us when it’s 3 AM in Germany, we can just say we were at dinner or that we were sightseeing with a group or something.”

Arvin just shook his head before looking out of the window. Tony held back a sigh as she pulled back up in front of the Parkers’ apartment. She knew this was going to be a long trip. Thanks alot, Rogers, she thought bitterly. God, she just hoped she was making the right choice here. Only time would tell, she figured.

[whatcouldgowrong-ohthat]

Us and Andie Ch. 5

Summary: Bucky works as an Avenger because it’s what’s right. He feels he has sins he’ll never be able to make up for, but he’ll spend the rest of his life trying. However, his life takes an unexpected turn when he comes across Andie, the daughter of recently divorced Y/N. The life he had once “maintained” in hopes of surviving changes as his heart warms for a tough-as-nails nurse and her wonderful daughter.

Word Count: 3227 words

Warnings: Reader and Bucky interaction! There is angst and mentions of abuse. 

A/N: There is a lot more angst in this chapter just because Y/N’s telling Bucky hers and Andie’s history. And guys - this divorce story is based off of real events from someone I’m very close to. I wish it wasn’t real, but it is. I actually downplayed it for this particular story. But single parents? Victims of abuse? They deserve all of our love and support because they work their asses off just trying their best.

Series Masterlist - Masterlist

Seeing an Avenger run errands was something that one wouldn’t label as “normal”. Ever. A giant of a man attempting to squeeze past other shoppers in skinny aisles? Natasha quietly appearing wherever she needed to do something as simple as grab a carton of milk? And God forbid a billionaire playboy like Tony go shopping on his own for something as trivial as frozen pizza. In fact, Sam might have been the only Avenger that Y/N could picture and it might be the slightest bit, maybe just maybe, normal.

But this particular Avenger? Bucky? It seemed…improbable? Impossible? Inconceivable. That was the word.

Maybe Y/N needed to stop watching The Princess Bride with Andie.

She watched as Bucky looked over her list, grabbing things from shelves and tossing them in the basket. Several women had noticed him. It was hard not to. The guy was massive. And Y/N had to admit, it was nice having him around. It was weird – she barely knew anything about him, but he was determined to help her.

“Tell me something.”

Bucky looked up, raising an eyebrow as she grabbed two bags of M&Ms. One peanut butter, the other dark chocolate. He wondered if they were both Andie’s favorites or if one was maybe hers. “Like what?” He looked back at her, handing her the list before pushing the cart.

She started scratching things off, shrugging. “Something not related to Hydra? Or the Avengers?” As interesting as it now was to say she met with and hung out with the Avengers, she still preferred normal. There was no denying that. And the idea of knowing something like that about Bucky? The idea made her smile.

“I like sweet things.”

That wasn’t what she was expecting. Y/N stepped in front of the cart, hopping on it and allowing him to push her. “I need an explanation behind that. I thought everyone likes sweets. At least to some degree, right?”

Bucky pulled the cart to a stop, surprised when she hopped up. However, despite his surprise, he had to admit that it was cute. He’d seen her wild and worried, but Bucky had yet to see her relax. To act less like a mom and more like…herself? There was a better way to word that, he was sure of it. He crossed his arms and leaned against it, trying to find the right words before realizing he still owed her an explanation. “Hydra didn’t exactly go out of their way to give me good food. Mostly it was IV nutrients or stuff that could hardly even qualify as food.”

Her heart sank at that. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the hero gig. “Oh…”

“Yeah, so when I got out I just…I promised myself I wouldn’t live like that anymore. I want to enjoy things and it turns out sweets became one of those…things.”

Y/N smiled at that. “I’ll make those pancakes for you. That Andie likes so much.”

Bucky looked up at her, eyes wide and jaw dropped. She didn’t – “You don’t – “

“What, you’re the only person that’s able to do nice things?” She hopped off the cart, crossing her arms. “Not happening. Besides, baking is one of those things I do.”

“Even in that tiny ass kitchen?” Y/N gaped at him and he cringed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

But it turned out, Bucky’s apology wasn’t even necessary. Y/N was laughing and swatted his arm, earning a small jump from him. “Yes, actually, I do bake even in that ‘tiny ass kitchen’.”

Bucky felt something in his stomach when he heard her laugh like that. Not only was it sweet, but he was the cause of it. He was the cause of bringing that smile to her face. “How do you have the time?”

“I don’t,” she told him, still laughing without a shred of embarrassment. “But I make it. Whether it means losing some shut eye or not – the nurses are willing to pay me to make stuff for their kids’ bake sales.”

Bucky pushed the cart, absolutely dumbfounded by this woman. She had no superpowers, no abilities, and no reason to be such a good person. And yet here she was. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as good as you.”

Y/N laughed again, shaking her head. “I’m just trying to do my best, Buck. Whatever that is.”

Silence fell as they rounded the corner and went towards the cold section. Y/N was immediately rubbing her hands together, oblivious to the fact that Bucky was watching her. He wanted to tell her more, talk to her more.

“I also like goats.”

Y/N whipped her head around, already smiling at that new detail. “Goats? Is there a story behind this?”

“Um…after the Accords I went to Wakanda and that’s where I met Shuri. She’s the princess there…Really good kid. You’d like her. And…”

Bucky continued with his story. His movements became more animated and relaxed as she listened to him. It was a side of Bucky she never could have predicted. But it seemed the more time she spent with him, the more she realized there was a lot about Bucky she couldn’t predict. And a lot more that she wanted to find out.

-.-.-

After grocery shopping and finally dropping everything off at the apartment, Bucky insisted on taking Y/N out for food. It was a weird moment for him. Normally he stayed in, avoiding eyes and people that were far too curious. But this time that wasn’t the case. He actually wanted to be out. He wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted to be seen with Y/N or if he wanted to spoil her. Maybe it was a mix of the two.

“Here’s your order,” the waitress said, placing two burgers, fries, and two shakes on the table.

Y/N thanked her, looking around at the quaint little diner. How did Bucky find this place? “I feel like we’re going to be caught in this endless cycle of being too nice to each other,” she joked, taking a fry. She dipped it in her shake and took a bite, smiling when she saw that look of complete confusion on his face. Had he even heard what she just said? “Try it before you judge.”

Bucky snorted, but did as she said. What he didn’t expect was to actually enjoy it. And judging by the highly entertained look on her face, he wasn’t exactly hiding it.

“Exactly. So quit your judging.”

They were so at ease with each other. It felt like they’d known one another for years. “So…you asked me questions earlier. Can I ask you now?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment before forcing herself to relax. It was Bucky. What was the worst thing he could ask? “Sure, I don’t see why not.”

“…Why did you and Andie’s dad get a divorce?”

Y/N’s whole body froze when she heard that question. This was why she didn’t make new friends. New friends asked personal questions. New friends asked about that damn ex-husband of hers. But Bucky meant well…She was sure he did. She had to remember that he was from a time when divorce just wasn’t done.

And she was from a time when it was always done.

“Well…” Wow, things felt heavy. Her chest felt tight.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky murmured. He leaned forward when he noticed how quickly her body language changed. “I didn’t want to upset you. Or bring up bad memories. I just…” His tongue ran across his lip as he struggled to find the words. Why was he always stumbling? Why was he always at a loss for words? “I was raised in a time where marriage was it. You were stuck with it. And even though Hydra brainwashed me, it became one of those things that was kind of ingrained in my beliefs. Even when I didn’t know what those were.” He sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I was curious what would bring someone to end a relationship when they’re supposed to be in love.”

“Abuse.”

Bucky looked up, fixating on her features. There was only one tear, already fallen and gone. Strands of her hair fell in front of her face. She looked raw. His whole body was rigid as he repeated that one word in his head. Abuse. Who the fuck would abuse her? Who would be such a coward? She wasn’t a superhero. She wasn’t like him. Or a soldier or anything like that. She didn’t have a job that deserved cruelty. So why…? Bucky clenched his jaw at the sharp pain from his hair, realizing he’d been pulling because of his anger.

“Do you want the whole story?”

“You – Y/N, you’re under no obligation to share that with me.”

“I know,” she told him with the smallest nod. “I’m very well aware of that. And if it were anyone else, I probably wouldn’t. But I’m sitting across from a man who lived with seventy years of abuse. If anyone would get it, I’m pretty sure it’s you.”

He slumped in his chair, surprised that she would trust him with something like this. There was something about this that made him feel…pride? Confidence? Of all the people to trust, she was choosing him. And he never would have expected it. He never would have had the guts to believe it. Though first, he had to ask, “Did he hurt Andie?”

“Hell no.” The words were held with nothing less than total conviction. “I divorced him before he got the chance.”

“Why do I feel like there’s more to the story than that?”

“’Cause there is? My ex…” She picked at her food, suddenly losing her appetite. “God, he knew how to work the system. Played it like a game. He was verbally and emotionally abusive…Never touched me hard enough to leave a bruise. Just enough to make a point or get me scared.”

Silence passed for a few minutes. Bucky watched her, willing to listen to anything she had to tell him.  But just like any of the Avengers, that wall that she had torn down came right back up just as quick.

She shrugged, taking a sip of her water. Her stomach lurched. She felt sick. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.” Bucky bit his lip, reaching across the table. His hand found her arm, squeezing gently. Learning about this, he had so much more to ask. Why would Andie try to see her dad? Why did Y/N wait till Andie was three?

“You’re not the first person to give me that look, you know,” Y/N murmured. A hollow laugh slipped free. She pulled her arm away from his grip, ignoring how comforting it felt. She hugged herself. “Part of my marriage included isolating me from my family. I was nineteen when we got married, so I didn’t know any better. God, I was so naïve. I was practically brainwashed into believing that was how marriage was supposed to be. I didn’t know any better and – “ She faltered, realizing what she had said. “I’m sorry, that was really tacky. I could’ve chosen a better word.”

Bucky frowned. What was she talking about? Oh. He chuckled, shaking his head. “If brainwashing is a good word to describe what you went through, then use it. You’re not hurting my feelings.”

She smiled ever so slightly. It hurt to see her like this. Looking so broken. Taking a shaky breath, she looked around at the near empty diner. The few people that were there weren’t paying attention to them. It was comforting. She felt like she could confide in him even with where they were. “I didn’t really care what he was doing to me, you know? I was numb after five years. I didn’t talk to anyone outside of his friends. It was just my life. But then I got pregnant with Andie. And he changed. He started treating me better…like I was a person instead of property.”

Bucky’s hands clenched on his thighs. Everything in his body wanted to move next to Y/N, to hug her and let her know that nothing that happened was right. But the way she talked about it? He knew she was aware. He knew she wasn’t that same girl anymore. God, how different would things have been if they had met all those years ago? “What changed?”

“I think actually having Andie burst some bubble of his. The reality of a daughter? Especially a mutant showing their abilities so young? He wasn’t prepared for it and,” she shrugged again, defeated. “He blamed me for her having a gift. I didn’t even care that she did, but when I reminded him that it was the male’s genetics that determined someone being a boy or girl? Someone being a mutant? That was when things went back to what I was used to. He didn’t drink or anything, but he was…so angry. And I wasn’t going to put her through that. She had just turned three and I filed. So then he threatened to take her from me.”

Bucky’s heart sank. How much of this was a reality for other women? How many women had to be as strong as Y/N? How many chose to stay? How many weren’t even able to make a choice? “How,” His voice caught in his throat. “How did you get him to…”

“To leave us alone?” He nodded, at a complete loss for words. “He doesn’t have to pay child support. And I have complete control of visitation rights. It mattered once, but not so much now. Andie…she wants a relationship, but it’ll never happen.”

Bucky ran a hand over his face, trying to wrap his head around everything. She gave up child support and was taking care of a kid while living in New York. On her own. Wow. He scratched his jaw, unable to wrap his mind around how someone could go through all of that. It was a different type of torture. Bewildered, he asked, “Why would she even want to see him?”

“Because he remarried,” she sighed. “And he has two boys. Don’t get me wrong, I am completely honest with my daughter about everything involving her father. I have raised her to be able to defend herself no matter what. She is very aware of everything.” Y/N hesitated, only able to imagine what could have gone on in Andie’s head the day her dad refused to meet her. “But she has a father who has no interest in meeting her because of things out of her control. He raises two boys and, from what I know, he loves them and his wife. He treats his new family great. At thirty-five, I still can’t help the sting I feel from that. I can only imagine what she feels.”

“She’s an awesome kid.”

Y/N laughed, tears welling in her eyes. “Yeah, I know. And she’s been wanting to meet him since she was eight. She’s been wanting to meet her brothers for just as long, but…”

“He won’t let her.”

It was a statement, not a question. He didn’t need to ask because the answer was so irritatingly obvious. What an ass. Andie was sneaking out to see what she was missing. She was trying to create a relationship with someone who didn’t want her. The thought of that, the realization, made him sick to his stomach.

Y/N let out a sharp exhale, realizing how heavy things had gotten. She had shared her story, sure, but normally in bits and pieces. It wasn’t normally such word vomit. “I can’t believe I told you all of that. It is nothing like what you went through.”

“Don’t start with all of that,” Bucky argued, shocking her into silence. “Trauma is trauma. Nothing makes what you and Andie went through any less valid. And you can’t argue. ‘Cause I’m the Winter Soldier and who better to ‘get it’ than me?”

She laughed at that, a hint of a smile reappearing when he threw her words back around. Oh, how surprising this man was. Taking a sip of her drink, she asked, “You are unnaturally kind, you realize that, right?”

“Or maybe I’m just less of a dick than the guys you spend time with.”

Y/N snorted, choking on her water and falling into a coughing fit as Bucky winced. Maybe that was too far? “That was great,” she told him, wiping away the tears that had fallen before.

In only seconds, she looked completely different. No longer broken. Any tension that had been there was gone. She was already moving on from it. Maybe that was because she already had eight years behind her.

Leaning back in her seat, she checked her phone. “I need to go get Andie from school.”

Bucky nodded, pulling out his wallet and dropping a couple twenties. “Do you want company?”

She smiled as they stood and made their way outside. As weird as it was to share something like picking Andie up, Y/N found herself wanting to. Andie liked Bucky. And Y/N felt like she could trust him. Especially after confiding everything to him. Honestly, she told him, “I would really like that.”

“Then lead the way.”

And she did. Her hand reached down and grabbed his, immediately catching Bucky’s attention and sending him on alert. He expected her to let go at some point, only making sure he stuck by through the crowds. And while he did his best to follow the route, memorizing it in case he would one day get Andie on his own, he was absolutely giddy.

She never let go of his hand.

-.-.-

That night, Tony was working late in the lab as always. While tinkering away at his suit, he had a hologram of a few documents pulled up. He was passively studying, something absolutely normal for him. It helped him focus. At least, that was the excuse he was giving himself. He preferred this sort of thing after all. But what he hadn’t been expecting was F.R.I.D.A.Y. alerting him of someone else’s arrival.

He looked up, swiping away the reports he’d been memorizing. Fixating back on the suit, he asked, “What are you doing here?”

Bucky didn’t say anything. He shoved a hand in his pocket, the other nervously running through his hair. He didn’t like the idea of coming to Tony for a favor. He really didn’t. It isn’t for you. It’s for Andie and Y/N. “You like Andie and her mom, right?”

Tony glanced up, lifting the goggles and propping them on his head. “Yeah. Y/N seems like a good mom and Andie’s been a riot ever since I met her.” He pushed the chair he sat in, rolling across the floor and landing at his desk. He set the tools down and rose to his feet, wiping his hands clean on his pants. He could always buy another pair. “Why, what’s up?”

“I have a favor to ask…”

Tony leaned against his desk. “For them? Name it.”

And Bucky did. He described everything he felt Tony needed to know. He knew the Stark had a big heart, witnessed how he had taken Peter under his wing. He wanted to do something similar for these two. And judging by the look on Tony’s face, he was more than willing.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Tag List:

@mr-robot-x​ @lets--be-honest @buckyssoul @purplekitten30 @amnahs9695 @booktease21 @niahmariec

[morrigansmuses]

3 Golden Rules.

On Ethical disappointments. 

I was raised to be tolerant. To consider the views and opinions of others, to keep and open mind. I was a social outsider (homeschooled due to racism in the local school.) I vowed I wouldn’t ever exclude people for being different to me or having different values. I was desperate to make and keep friends. More than anything.

I was 15 in the late 1990s. Lonely as hell. I decided that I would befriend absolutely anyone who would have me. Essentially anyone who wouldn’t beat me up on sight for being foreign.

I decided that I had 3 and only 3 dealbreakers in terms of friendship.

RULE 1. They couldn’t be cruel to animals.

RULE 2. They coudn’t sexually abuse children.

RULE 3 They couldn’t be a card carrying Nazi.

If anyone in my life did any of those things I couldn’t associate with them anymore. But barring that I would try to accept them as individuals. 

Thats a pretty low bar right? I mean how could anyone fail to meet those insanely low standards?

See back then I didn’t know that shades of grey existed. I knew in theory that we were all imperfect beings, but I didn’t know what that meant yet in reality.

So I began to make friends. With normal kids. Actually probably nicer than average kids because they were sweet and sensitive enough to accept me for who I was when no one else would.

So the first hurdle I came across was that some of these people I was friends with enjoyed hunting. They would say for meat. I get that. Better than factory farming right? less cruel, less wasteful.

“You shouldn’t eat meat unless you’re willing to kill it yourself” They’d say virtuously.  

But then I saw them in action. Delighting in the act of killing in a way that I knew wasn’t healthy. Laughing at the kid goat’s head bursting in a shower of gore or the way an animal screamed upon being shot. Killing more than they needed… That’s an impulse I don’t believe humans should engender in themselves.

But it was for food. Right? So I overlooked it and silenced the voice in my heart.

One day my best friend shot a stray cat with his bb gun just for the laugh. It didn’t kill the cat or anything but the animal yelped and ran away. I was so upset and shocked that I burst into tears and it all came pouring out. Was he training himself to become a sociopath? I asked him.

He apologised. He never did anything like it again. He was very kind to animals, especially cats, ever since and doesn’t hunt them anymore for any reason.

I forgave.

That’s the first time I remember compromising a core value. It was like a tooth being pulled from my 15 year old head. 

I don’t regret it.

We’re still best friends. 

The second hurdle that started to crack my young heart was the undeniable fact that in the early 2000s almost every guy I knew in his early 20s had a girlfriend between that ages of 12 and 15. NEVER OLDER. I can’t stress this enough. They would vomit in disgust at the thought of a crone of 18 or 19. They were also VERY vocal about their desire and right to have sex with children after a few drinks. By the time I was 20 I knew I had aged out of the 20s dating pool. I wasn’t attracted to older men. 

No matter. I’m asexual and prefer platonic relationships anyway.

To this day I’ve never had a romantic relationship with a man. Because once I realised that Rule 2 wasn’t one any of them could keep, the trust was broken.

It wasn’t only men either. My closest girlfriend was a 26 year old substitute teacher who fucked one of her 15 year old students on a drunk night out once…

So they both had fun and boys that age are up for anything right? I mean. He probably still boasts about it today…

Right?

Plus… She was all I had. Like the only one I had at the time. I was so scared of losing her.

I turned a blind eye and ear. I tolerated. I didn’t have to approve of their teenage girlfriends did I? After all there were so many of them that if I cut them out of my life I’d have no friends ever again. Because the whole of society looked like them…

Thats the truth.

People in my extended family have dated 17 or 18 year old girls and encouraged them to drop out of school to have their children. People I love have done that.

I once knew a handsome, intelligent and charming man. He was dating a family member for a few months. He often defended the right of adult men to date teens. “Girls mature more quickly than boys.” He’d argue. Everyone would agree. After all hadn’t my great grandmother been 12 years old when she met my great grandfather and married him on her 16th birthday (with parental permission)? He was in his 20s. Just a boy himself surely? “We all know what children boys in their 20s are right?” Said my Mother… Whom I love very much.

Excuses were made.

Years later I discovered the the handsome, intelligent and charming man had been raping a 6 year old the entire time we’d known him. He is still wanted by the police today.

My father tells that when he was a boy of 18 back in the 70s he had kicked an older German man, a respected family friend, out of his car because the man had asked him to pull over, he had something important to tell him. When he did so, the man said that the Holocaust was a myth. An exaggeration, a Zionist hoax.

My Father was dating my mother at the time. She’s Jewish. So is his uncle, a Holocaust survivor.

He yelled at the man not to talk shit and made him walk home.

I am not my father.

The first time a Holocaust denier (a respected local businessman) voiced their opinion to me I froze. Then laughed. Surely he must be kidding... I argued briefly before realising that he’d made up his mind.

My well meaning people said I’d made a mistake. It was my job, they said, to change his mind. To educate him. Otherwise how would he learn?

I didn’t speak to him again but I still nod at him in the street because he employs a few of my friends and I wouldn’t want to make things awkward for them.

And also I don’t want him to yell at me. 

I have worked with Holocaust survivors and have survivors in my immediate family and I still nod in the street at a Holocaust Denier because we are raised to be polite aren’t we? Let’s not make a scene. 

We’re mature adults.

Aren’t we?

People are starting to turn weirder than they used to be. Politically.

My Leftist friends are in a secret facebook group... Strenuously defending China’s Uyghur genocide because Communism can do no wrong… And at the same time saying all the Israelis need to be killed for what they’ve done to the Palestinians. One suggests a biological weapon tailored to Jews.

My Centrist friends are suggesting we “Hang up democracy for a while” in order to combat global warming and welcome a global police state and stop “kicking off” about our rights all the time. “Maybe we need a jackboot up the arse” one of them says.

And the ones that aren’t on the Left?

My facebook feed these days is getting awfully full of Rothschild memes.

“We own every bank in the world and funded both sides of every war since Waterloo.” They say, next to a grinning caricature of Jacob de Rothschild. Reminiscent of a Nazi cartoon of a “Rat Jew.”

Even a hedge fund billionaire prick doesn’t deserve that, does he?

I don’t comment. What’s the point? They’ve watched all the youtube and don’t read history books on principal.

My Brother is getting into Qanon. So is my Sister in Law.

She follows the medical teachings of a man who thinks the Jews invented Chemotherapy to kill the Germans after the war. Apparently he is becoming more and more popular.

Eccentrics.

Thats all.

I’m half Jewish. Like My Brother.

One of the Survivors I know said that 3 weeks after the Nazi propaganda came into the school he attended, he was in Bergen Belsen and half his family was dead.

His neighbour was jealous because his father had 2 more cows than he did.

I hear Marine Le Pen is neck and neck with Macron to win France.

A good friend of mine said it's because by 2030 Muslims will outnumber white people in Europe. He won’t read the articles I send him. But he sure sends me a lot of YouTubes.

I ignore them because I don’t want to hate him. Maybe he ignores my articles for the same reason.

Hey 15 year old me…. You, skinny thing with the ethics, the braces and black eyeliner…

Those compromises I made were made out of love... And also fear. 

Please stop looking at me like that little girl.

“It’s true” writes my friend. They’re trying to breed us out. It’s all an elite Zionist plot.”

I close Whatsapp.

Here I go again I guess…

[solei28]

Up In Smoke- (Bucky/Reader)-Chapter 2

Up In Smoke Mater List

A/N

Hey guys! I would love to know what you think of this series so far. Also, leave a comment if you would like to be tagged in future chapters and/or works! 

Hey, if you guys enjoy my content and want to help me continue creating it, consider buying me a coffee. It will help a ton!

James was sitting in the conference room, trying not to jump over the table and strangle Sam. The man had been teasing him relentlessly after Steve gave him the details on what had happened at the HYDRA base. What upset him the most was that birdbrain was right. He wanted to see you again. You had piqued his interest, and that was hard to do. 

At first, James was upset at the stupid little game. However, after calming down on the jet ride back to the compound, he couldn’t help the intrigue. You were a mutant that had bested two super soldiers with absolute ease. You even won the bet, claiming a date as your prize. Why would you choose to go out on a date with him of all people? He needed to know. 

When he thought about the mischief in your dark gray eyes and the way your lips twisted into that wicked smile, he felt... something. Butterflies, maybe.  Wait! Am I developing a crush?  This rattled him to his core. When was the last time he had had a crush on someone? Why would he develop one now on you? When will Wilson shut the fuck up so they can go over what was found on the drive. He has  so many questions. 

Fury finally shuts Sam up with a rather obnoxious clearing of his throat. “So, after thoroughly going through the files on the drive Smoke was able to secure, we have found some interesting developments. It would seem HYDRA is working on some type of new AI. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to crack the code as to what kind of AI it is yet or what they are planning to use it for. Tony is working on figuring that out as we speak.”

The billionaire was sitting in a chair by the window, typing furiously on his phone. “I’ll have it cracked by supper. It would seem HYDRA is getting a little better at encrypting their data files. But, they will never be better than me.” 

James rolls his eyes at the smugness in Tony’s voice. 

Fury continues. “Now, I won’t be sure until Tony is done, but I have a suspicion they are working with another entity on this little project of theirs. I have SHIELD agents looking into it now. Maybe, we’ll get a hit soon if they are.”

“Could it be Hammer? He is Tony’s rival and has made it his lifelong mission to take him out,” Natasha chimed in. 

“I’m not sure,” Fury said, shaking his head. “Still too early to say.”

“Do the files have the other locations HYDRA are occupying?” Steve asked. “I’d like to put an end to their project sooner rather than later. We can find out more if we take down their other bases.”

“Yes, they have bases in Qatar, Denmark and Alaska that we know for sure. We’re hoping that Tony will turn up other locations.” Fury looked up at the door and smiled. Looking at James, he said, “Looks like your new girlfriend has come to cash in on that date.”

James’s eyes widen as he turns to the door. You walk in wearing blue jeans, black sneakers, and a purple shirt under your open black leather jacket. You look casual, but to James, you look amazing. Your hair is loose and frames your face. You don’t have on makeup, but those dark grey eyes of yours stand out. He doesn’t realize he’s staring until you look at him and wink.

He looks down quickly, hoping no one else noticed. Hearing Sam chuckle, James looked up at the man and he waggles his eyebrows at him.  Of course this asshole saw. Sam wasn’t the only one who caught it. Everyone was giving him knowing looks and smirks.

“So, what did I miss?” You ask plopping down in the empty seat across from James. 

“Not much. Tony is still trying to crack their code,” Fury tells you. “You wouldn’t be able to be of some assistance with that, now would you?”

You hum thoughtfully. “I did overhear some of the higher ups talking about protocol RECS. Was never able to find out exactly what it was about, though.”

Tony tried it, but nothing. “Sorry, kid. Nothing is coming up.”

You shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon, Stark.”

 “That, I will, my dear,” Tony said, never looking up from his device. 

“Smoke, Other than Qatar, Denmark and Alaska, do you know of any more bases HYDRA has?” Steve asked. 

“They have one in the Cayman Islands. They were going to transfer me out there. The views would’ve been great,” you chuckle. “I know there has to be more, but I had bigger fish to fry.” You look at James with that wicked smile he finds suddenly irresistible. “Talking about fish, I do hope you’ve made the reservations. 7 should be good, no?”

All eyes were now on James. He felt the blush creeping up his neck. “And, how do you know 7 works for me? What if I’m busy?” His voice is steady, despite the butterflies causing havoc in his gut. 

You laugh. “I’m sure you can get out of your  plans quite easily, Sergeant.”

 James raises an eyebrow at you. “Are you sure about that?” He finds himself locked in a staring contest with you. Your eyes are intense and he suddenly feels completely naked. Could you read minds, too? Were you reading his right now?

 Fury’s phone goes off and James is the first to blink. He doesn’t miss the way your face lights up with victory before turning his attention to the DIrector. 

“Hill. Send what you’ve found. Thank you.” Fury hangs up and pockets the phone. He looks at Tony. “Hill is sending some pictures she’s found. They may confirm that HYDRA is working with others.”

“Mr. Stark, I have received Agent Hill’s files,” FRIDAY spoke. 

“Put 'em up on the screen,” he says, still tapping away on his phone. 

The AI does as he says and several pictures pop up on the monitor at the front of the room. They are of a base in some snowy part of the world. They seem familiar, but you aren’t sure where you know them from. 

Fury calls Hill back. “What am I looking at?” He puts the phone on speaker. 

“Still not sure. All we know is that its on an Island off the coast of Alaska.”

Alaska? You feel like you’re having a moment of dejavu. You get up and walk over to the screen. James watches you intently as you search the photos. There’s a photo with a few guards scattered about the base. One is turned to the side and you see an emblem on his sleeve. 

“FRIDAY, can you zoom in on his arm?” You ask, pointing to the man. 

She does and you study the emblem. You shake your head slightly and look around the room without really looking at anyone. Then, it hits you like a ton of bricks. 

“FOXHOUND,” you breathe in disbelief. You look at Tony, who is looking intently at you, as is the rest of the room. “Try REX.”

Tony does and raises his eyebrows. “That was it. I’m in.”

The monitor is now showing everything that was on the drive. You see the file marked REX and the same emblem. 

You look at Fury, fire burning in your eyes. James is taken aback by the sudden change. You went from flirtatious to murderous in the blink of an eye. 

“HYDRA is working with FOXHOUND. They intend to use Metal Gear REX for a worldwide nuclear strike.”

  @vicmc624 @thenerdgirl10

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Sick Little Games: Four

B.C.

Bucky had overheard Thor. The big blonde asking what had happened when he noticed your red eyes and mussed makeup. You’d said it was nothing, but it was clear that he didn’t believe you. Stupid kid, Bucky, scoffed to himself. 

He kept a wide berth of Thor, though, knowing you were going to have a very visceral reaction to being close to Bucky and knowing Thor wasn’t as dumb as people tended to think he was. He watched as Thor tucked you against his side and coaxed you into the car with him, out of the public eye. Thor, probably better than most of the others, understood how alien these press events felt for you. How alienating. 

Supersoldiers, spies, billionaires, heroes... there were movies about them. They permeated popular culture so thoroughly that they seemed relatable. Witches though? Witches in this culture were scary. Alien. Often cultural shorthand for evil. Thor knew better. He knew that you, that your kind of witch was indicative of a pure heart. And he knew that these types of events made you feel exposed. 

“My Lady,” Thor said gently, “Please. You are not alright.”

“I'm just stupid, Thor. It’s fine... I just. I’d like to go home and go to sleep, I think. It’s been a long week.” you tell him, carefully taking off the rest of your make up.

Thor frowned, “Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to speak to someone?”

“Thor, I told you. He isn’t interested... Really he hardly even knows I exist.”

Thor scowled, “He knows enough to know how to hurt you clearly.”

“He didn’t do it on purpose,” you sigh, “He’s not a monster; he’s just...”

Thor smiles a little, “He’s a man.”

You nod, “I can’t... no one could be that malicious, right?” Thor looks down at your face. Big eyes, reddened and tears pooling again even now as you try to tell him it’s okay. 

“No one,” he reassured, brushing a soft kiss against your hair. But in his heart, he knew that wasn’t true. Some men. Some kinds of especially broken men take a heart that’s proffered to them and break it. Crush it in their hands the way he’d seen you crumple thick black earth when you’re tracking something.

Thor stays quiet after that. He leaves you to your thoughts and is careful not to press too hard. Back at the compound, he stays near you as you walk through the doors. And so he doesn’t miss when you flinch away from Bucky when you nearly brush against him. Thor watches you scurry towards an elevator to your room, keeping your head down, a pair of heels in your hand, and he frowns. “Hmm,” he rumbles. That filled in another piece for him. 

“What’s up?” Steve asked, looking between you, still obviously upset and Thor. Thor frowned, “I am not sure. The lady has elected to keep her own counsel.”

“Is she pregnant?” Sam blurted out.

“That’s unlikely,” Thor snorted.

“Is it boy trouble, though?” Clint asked, falling into step with them all.

“I promised the lady that what she told me would be in confidence,” Thor said firmly. 

“So, yes, but you can’t tell us that,” Clint snorted.

Thor’s eyes narrowed, and Clint held up his hand, “I’m not gonna ask her, I just wanted to know if I should be kneecapping someone.”

“Or making a move,” Steve said, rolling his eyes.

Clint flushed and rubbed the back of his neck, “That obvious, huh?”

“Boy,” Sam said, smacking the back of his head, “The only person that HASN’T figured it out is Y/N, and that’s because she’s mostly oblivious to anything that isn’t a rectangle with pages.”

The archer rubbed the back of his head and sighed, “Still, she’s not interested in me. At least not like that.”

“Not yet,” Steve said, shrugging, “I mean. It’s not like you really tried anything.”

“If she’s got boy trouble, it’s with someone else,” Clint reminded.

“You could turn her head... with a hair cut. And a personality transplant,” Sam said.

“Hey, fuck you, I’m charming!” he protested.

“About as charming as roadkill,” Bucky said walking by to the training room

“Fuck you too!”

“Not my type.”

Thor rolled his eyes, and Steve chuckled, “Boys, you’re both pretty.”

“Am I not pretty, Captain?” Thor asked, smirking. His booming laugh echoing off the marble foyer when Steve threw up his hands in exasperation.

___________

You sat at the vanity in your room and surveyed the makeup and brushes you had laid out. Then, you looked at your own face. 

Shaggy hair that needed to be professionally cut instead of it just being you lopping the ends off with a pair of scissors when it got unbearably shaggy. Eyes, lips, nose, cheeks, forehead... all of it was nothing to write home about. Not like the girl Bucky had been whispering to on the balcony. Each whispered word, and lingering kiss had felt like a pin shoved into your heart with devastating accuracy. Hitting every insecurity. 

The stupid thing was, you knew spells and cantrips and potions that could make you as beautiful as that woman. More beautiful even. You could make yourself so earth-shatteringly lovely that men would fight and die just to walk you across the street, but...it would only be an illusion. Like it was for that woman. A dream of a fierce fucking contour and some really beautifully applied eye make up. Anyone could learn to do that part. She’d learned, between Natasha and youtube. Something was soothing about the process of putting the various goop on your face to create the look you wanted to wear. And you were halfway through sculpting your own contour when Natasha burst through your door.

“Oh good, you’re getting ready,” she said, lounging on your bed. 

“Where are we going?” you ask.

“Out,” she said, “Girls night out.”

You nod, accepting this, “Not a club, right?”

“No,” she scoffs, “Wine and canvas.”

“Gods bless Pepper,” you laugh, “Did she book the whole building again?”

“Tony insisted,” Nat said stretching.

“Tony?”

“We’re supposed to be interrogating you about your current boy problems.”

You’re heart stutters, and your hand pauses, halfway through putting eyeliner to your eyes, “Boy trouble?” you say out loud while internally cursing Thor. 

“The boys are convinced you’ve got a crush or something...”

You roll your eyes, “As if I’d tell them before I told you.”

“That’s what I said,” she answered. If you were struggling with some unrequited love, you hid it reasonably well. Natasha hadn’t known about it and still couldn’t get a fix on who the object of your affection might be. Maybe you were getting over it on your own. It’s not like you didn’t have a support network to lean on. Perhaps Thor had been more helpful than he had thought.

_____________

A. C.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve had this specific house. But that’s all it is. A house. It’s lightly furnished. A few dishes, enough furniture to make it comfortable. It’s better than it was. For a couple years, you only had lawn chairs and a mattress on the floor. A few books and some plastic dishes. 

It was a place to go to. You had to drive for almost an hour to get anywhere with a movie theater, and there were woods for miles. It was fine. You felt almost safe. Almost okay. There was no one to come towards you with menace in his face. There was no one to prey on the anxieties in your mind.

At least. At least until a beat-up blue pick up rolled down your driveway. You took mental stock of where your staff was in the house and marshaled a little energy to bear, firming up shields and willing yourself not to look surprised... Until you recognize the man that gets out of the car.

“Clint?” you say, tilting your head, releasing the energy you’re holding, “What are you doing here?”

He lopes towards you with a sheepish smile and stops at the steps, “I- I came to find you.”

“Why?” you ask, “Did something happen?”

“I missed you,” he said, cheeks coloring, “Movie night is no fun without someone that understands how to riff on shit.”

“I don’t have a T.V.,” you tell him, rubbing the back of your neck.

“We don’t- I mean. We can just talk.”

“You drove all the way out here to talk?” you ask, taking a hesitant step down to him.

“I mean- I- We don’t have to talk... I could just take you for ice cream. And tell you you're pretty.” He gives you a little crooked smile and holds out his hand.

“I- I dunno if that’s a good idea, Clint.”

“Since when does that matter?” he teases gently, “I don’t wanna stick my tongue down your throat. I just miss my friend.”

“It’s a 30-minute drive to a dairy queen,” you tell him, taking the hand he’s holding out.

“So... 30-minute concert with yours truly as the featured Artist,” he laughed, “Good thing I put new batteries in my hearing aids.”

You giggle and for the first time since he found out you’d left, Clint feels like himself. And it feels good as he helps you up into the passenger seat. 

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